Hillary Clinton refuses to release transcripts of three speeches given to Goldman, Sachs for which she was paid $675,000. I’ve imagined a few excerpts from one, including some schmoozing caught on mic, just prior to Clinton being introduced:

Voice: Hey Hill! Great to see you!

HC: Hi Lloyd! (Lloyd Blankfein, Chair & CEO, Goldman Sachs) I hear Spencer is playing lacrosse at Choate this Spring. Go Wild Boars! You know, our Marc (HC’s son-in-law and hedge fund manager) might make his first billion before your Prescott does!

(Note: In 2013, Marc and Chelsea purchased a $10.5 million 5,000 sq. foot pad in Manhattan)

Lloyd: Could be, though he tells us he’s on schedule to retire at 30!

HC: Give him and Kiki hugs from Bill and me!

Lloyd: Same from us to the Big Dog. Tell him I’m down to a 27 handicap without any mulligans.

Voice from platform: Okay folks, let me remind you to put away all recording devices and phone cameras. Everything today is strictly off the record. Now here’s our dear friend and some would say, ‘Madame Wall Street,’ Secretary Hillary Clinton (sustained, standing applause)

HC: Thank you so much. It’s wonderful to see so many old friends. After November, Bill and I hope to spend more time with each of you. For now, you should remember that I’ll be making harsh criticisms about Wall Street’s killing jobs and wages. You may hear me flip-flop on past free trade deals. Heck, at times I might sound like a Sandernista! (audience laughter) But please, please don’t expect me to wink each time I do this or I might develop a facial tick! (Someone shouts “Hillary’s a political revolutionary!” followed by raucous laughter)

HC: We’ll follow the familiar, tried and true script for our campaign: Populist rhetoric during the primaries to pacify the base, shift to the center/right after the July convention and then it’s back to business as usual after the inauguration. I’m sure Pres. Obama has put to rest any doubts you might have had this strategy. Now … any questions for me? Yes, Chip.

Chip: Should we worry that so many younger people are attracted to Sen. Sanders?

HC: Eventually young people could be a vexing political problem especially, if they join a nonviolent, mass movement for prejudice structural change. But this time around, after I get the nomination, they’ll hold their noses and cast the inevitable “Lesser Evilism” votes. By the way, we’ll give Sanders his moment of glory at the Philadelphia convention after which he’ll rejoin the fold. ​Yeah, he’ll ​still be a crotchety old ​senator, sniping at us. ​But I’ll​ be the ​ president!

Unidentified voice: What about women and Blacks?

HC: First, we have a critical mass of older women who’d vote me no matter what. I mean, I could advocate drone strikes on Canada and they’d say ‘We don’t care. We want a woman in the White House.’

Second, Bill and I have had the entrenched Black political class in our back pocket for decades. They’ll keep the crucial 25 percent pillar of the Democratic voting bloc on the old plantation, especially in states like Mississippi, Louisiana and South Carolina.

Unidentified follow-up: How will you do that?

HC: Easy. We stoke their fears that the White Man’s Party, the Republicans, will take the White House if they don’t support me. And watch me wrap myself around the President like a python until November! (Laughter and someone yells “Hillary, our third Black President!”)

(Note: By every key indicator—poverty, income, net worth, unemployment, and homeownership – Black Americans are far worse than when Pres. Obama was elected in 2008; they’ve lost more wealth than under any president since the Great Depression)

Another follow-up:  Yes, but hypothetically what if women, Blacks and Latinos start connecting the dots and begin joining other issues to theirs?

HC: Hey Skip. Good to see you!  Well, yeah, that’s our ultimate nightmare but come on…really, ​we know that’s ​never going to happen. ​Still, it wouldn’t hurt to redouble our efforts on keeping working people obsessed with gender and race instead of their common class interests. That’s a good project for the many creative people in this room! (More laughter)

Cameron: You’ve painted a reassuring picture today is there anything that could go wrong?

HC: The only thing that could trip us up is if you guys repeat the 2008 Financial Crisis and force us to bail you out again! But Bill has a contingency plan for that too… a foolproof one. We’ll figure out a way to blame it on ISIS! (Howling laughter)

Again, thank you much for your long-term, steadfast support, You’ll all be invited to the best inauguration ball and party ever!

Standing ovation and sustained chants of “HILLARY! HILLARY!” as transcript indicates that she moved into the crowd for handshakes and warm embraces all around.

Gary Olson, Ph.D., is a member of the political science department at Moravian College in Bethlehem.

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