Empeleni ngihleke kakhulu izikhathi ezimbalwa lapho ngifunda ucezu lombono olusatshalaliswe kakhulu we-New York Times okuthiwa Ukukhulisa Ingane Eziphethe Kahle. Umbhali, u-Adam Grant, uhlose ukwabelana ngocwaningo oluyisihluthulelo oluzosiza abazali basebenzise imishwana efanele ukuze batuse izenzo zomusa, babonise indlela yokuziphatha yokuphana, futhi babonise ukudumala esikhundleni sokucasuka lapho ingane yehluleka ukuphila ngokuvumelana nezindinganiso zokuziphatha.
โYini edingekayo ukuze ube umzali omuhle?โ ubuza emgqeni wokuqala wendatshana, umqondo uwukuthi mhlawumbe sizokuthola kulezi zigaba ezilandelayo. Futhi nakuba kungase kube neziqephu ezithile kulesi sihloko ongazithatha futhi uzisebenzise ekhaya, isigijimi esinamandla esiya kubazali siwukuthi: Unganaki iqiniso. Gwema izingcindezi zangaphandle ezimbi kithi sonke (abazali kanye nezingane ngokufanayo) ukuze sibe ngaphansi kokuziphatha okuhle ngaso sonke isikhathi. Hlukana namaphupho amabi asobala futhi ugxile ekuziphatheni kwangasese okuncane okungalingisa inkawu eqeqeshiwe.
Abazi bheka njengokuziphatha kwezinkawu eziqeqeshiwe ngoba kufakwe ku- New York Times imibono, ebhalwa futhi ifundwe abantu abafundile kakhulu, futhi imibono yombhali isekelwa izigidi zamarandi ucwaningo okwenziwa ngabantu abanazo iminyaka eminingi yokuqeqeshwa, okubavumela ukuthi baklame futhi baqhube ucwaningo ukuthola ukuthi iyiphi ukuziphatha okuncane khuthaza kakhulu zokuziphatha izingane. Kodwa kuwukuziphatha kwezinkawu eziqeqeshiwe, futhi kuyinhlamba kubazali abangazikhuliseli izingane endaweni engenalutho nasezinganeni okungenzeka ukuthi zingabantu. belungafica bancamela ukukhula ngendlela ebavumela ukuthi baxhumeke futhi baphane nabanye kodwa abadingaโฆyilindeโฆizindlela zokuziphatha zabazali ezingaphezu kwezimbalwa.
Ngisho noma uvuma ukuthi okunye kwalokhu kuziphatha kwezinkawu eziqeqeshiwe kubalulekile - futhi mhlawumbe kunjalo - ngizosho okwengeziwe ngakho ngezansi, futhi ungazinqumela. Zihlanganisa ingxenye encane kakhulu yemilayezo etholwa izingane zethu mayelana nokuziphatha okuhle ongeke ukwazi ukuzibamba ngaphandle kokuhleka inhlekisa yengqikithi yalesi sihloko. Okusho ukuthi, vele, uma ungakhaliโฆ noma uvele uvumele umlayezo, okuyinto iningi lethu thina bazali eligcina liyenza ngoba ukuthi ulangazelela usizo - noma yiluphi usizo. Uyazi ukuthi kuhamba kanjani: Ungumzali. Cishe uhlukaniswe kakhulu. Ungase ube nomzali osebenzisana naye ngisho nenethiwekhi yabantu abakwesekayo, kodwa okuningi kuwela phezu kwakho futhi ubhekene nenqwaba yezinto ezingcolile, okuhlanganisa kodwa okungagcini nje ngokukhangisa okukhohlisayo okuqondise ngisho nezingane zethu, ukungabikho kwempilo ehloniphekile. ukunakekelwa kanye namaholo ahloniphekile, imiyalezo yamasiko ehlambalaza ukuba nsundu, omnyama, wesifazane, queer, noma ukukwazi okuhlukile nganoma iyiphi indlela, futhi ekhomba omama ngomunwe cishe ngayo yonke into, nezinye izinkinga ezincane njengezindleko zezinkanyezi zokunakekelwa kwasemini, ipayipi elisuka esikoleni liye ejele, ukuhlolwa kwezibalo eziphezulu, izinga eliphezulu lesifuba somoya ngenxa yokungcoliswa komoya, izinto ezinobuthi yonke indawo (okubi kakhulu emizimbeni ekhulayo), kanye nezinkinga ezincane eziza ngokuhlala emphakathini ozikhungo zawo ezinkulu ziyi. eqhutshwa ubugovu nokweba, okushiya u-1% untanta ngaphezu kwakho konke futhi thina sonke sicindezelekile, sancipha, sinezikweletu, futhi siya ngokuya silamba, singenamakhaya, singenathemba.
Njengoba kunikezwe leli qiniso, i- New York Times sicebise ukuthi sikhulise izingane eziziphethe kahle? Nokho, kolunye ucwaningo, izingane ezinamamabula amaningi zaba nethuba lokuhlanganyela amamabula azo nezingane โezimpofuโ. Ezinye izingane ezabelane zinezazo ukuziphatha batuswa (โKube kuhle ukuthi nanika lezo zingane ezimpofu ezinye zezimabula zenu. Yebo, lokho bekuyinto enhle newusizo ukuyenzaโ). Ngenkathi ezinye izingane ezabelana zinezazo uhlamvu wancoma, (โNgicabanga ukuthi uwuhlobo lomuntu oluthandayo ukusiza abanye noma nini lapho ungakwazi. Yebo, ungumuntu olungile kakhulu nowusizoโ). Emasontweni ambalwa kamuva, lapho zona lezi zingane zithola elinye ithuba lokuhlanganyela, lezo zikabani uhlamvu ababetuswe babevame ukuphana kakhulu kunalabo ababenabo ukuziphatha wayedunyiswe.
Isiphetho: lapho ingane yakho inika izingane ezimpofu amamabula, ncoma isimilo sayo, hhayi ukuziphatha kwayo. Kodwa kuthiwani lapho ungapheli ukwabelana ngamamabula abo? Abacwaningi bathi kubalulekile ukungazihloniphi izingane zakho, okungazenza zizizwe kabi ngabo. Kunalokho, kufanele ubonise ukudumala kwakho. โUbuhle bokuveza ukudumala ukuthi kuveza ukungakwamukeli ukuziphatha okubi, okuhambisana nokulindela okukhulu kanye nethuba lentuthuko: `Ungumuntu olungile, ngisho noma wenze into embi, futhi ngiyazi ukuthi ungenza kangcono. 'โ
Okokugcina, ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi ukumodela ukuziphatha okuhle kuphumelela kakhulu kunokukhuluma ngokuziphatha okuhle. Isibonelo, uma izingane zibuka uthisha wazo do into ephanayo kodwa hhayi inkulumo ngakho, maningi amathuba okuba baphane ngokwabo.
Ngakho-ke, bazali, nansi indlela abangcolisa ngayo izingqondo zethu:
Uyasuka ekufundeni lesi sihloko uzizwa sengathi unjalo konke kuwe ukukhulisa ingane enesimilo nokuthi ukuziphatha kwakho okuyikhona okubalulekile. Ngaphezu kwakho konke okunye ukucindezeleka komzali obunakho, manje uzoba nokunye ukucindezeleka: โLinda. Bekufanele ngincome isimilo noma ukuziphatha?โ Kodwa, ungakhathazeki; ungakwazi ngekhanda imigqa yakho. Uzoyithola ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Uzojwayela ubuso bakho obudumele esibukweni. Qiniseka ukuthi akubona ubuso obuthukuthele! Noma ubuso obuhlazisayo! Futhi khumbula ukuba yisibonelo esihle. Vele uqiniseke ukuthi awukhulumi ngakho ngoba, ngemuva kwakho konke, lokho kuphazamisa umphumela.
Okubi kakhulu: Ngenkathi uhlaziya lezi zindlela zokukhulisa ingane enesimilo futhi uzihlolele umkhathizwe ukuze uthole ithuba lokuba imodeli enhle, ngokuhlakanipha uzovimba yonke imilayezo emayelana nobugovu nobunikazi kanye nokuphakanyiswa okukodwa kwakho. ingane ithola eminye imithombo engaba yizigidi eziyinkulungwane. Phela, isiko lethu ligcwele imilayezo yokuthi ukuzuza kuyisibopho sokuziphatha, ukuthi indlela yokuba muhle iwukuba nezinto eziningi, nokuthi indlela yokuba ngcono kakhulu ukuba nezinto eziningi kunanoma ubani omunye. Ukuhaha kubhekwa njengobuhle bemvelo; iyinjini eshayela wonke umnotho wethu, ngakho-ke kusetshenziswa izinsiza ezingapheli ukuwuthethelela, ukuwusekela, futhi uwenza ubukeke njengekhwalithi efanele kunokuba owonakele. Uzofuna ukuyivimba le miyalezo ngoba uma uyingenisa bese uyibheka eduze kwenhloso yokukhulisa ingane eziphethe kahle, ungase uthole...angazi...udangele kancane. Futhi ubani ofuna ukuzwa lokho? Okungcono kakhulu ukwenza okushiwo ikholomu yezeluleko, futhi uqhubeke ugxile kulokho ongakwazi ukukulawula - njengokukhetha kwakho amabinzana lapho uncoma ingane yakho nesimo sobuso bakho lapho uthethisa ingane yakho.
Futhi, ekugcineni, okubi kunakho konke: Isihloko sizoniphazamisa ezinkingeni zokuziphatha zangempela esibhekene nazo, futhi ngikholwe ukuthi azihlangene nendlela izingane zethu ezinikeza ngayo kalula izingane ezimpofu amamabula. Izinkinga zangempela zokuziphatha zinkulu kakhulu, zikhona yonke indawo, zixhumeke kuzo zonke izici zokuphila kwethu kangangokuthi siyakhohlwa ukuthi ziyizinkinga ezenziwe umuntu ezingalungiswa abantu. Ngokwesibonelo, kuleli zwe elicebile lapho kunokwanela wonke umuntu, kungani ngisho nezingane โezimpofuโ? Kuwukuziphatha kanjani ukuthi sibe nezinhlelo emiphakathini yethu yabantu evumela umphumela: izingane ezimpofu? Futhi ingabe kuwukuziphatha ukusebenzisa owazi-imali engakanani ukwenza ucwaningo mayelana nokunikeza izingane ezimpofu amamabula esikhundleni sokusebenzisa lezo zinsiza ukuthola ukuthi zingashintsha kanjani izinhlelo ezibangela ukungalingani okumangalisayo?
Imithombo yezindaba yezinkampani, incekukazi yokuhaha kwezinkampani, ayifuni ukuba sibuze noma siphendule imibuzo enjalo. Iseluleko sabazali abasinika sona singenye yezindlela ezisigcina sisendaweni yethu. Futhi awuvikelekile kukho uma ungayifundi New York Times. Qala ukuqaphela imilayezo eqondiswe kubazali, futhi uzobona ukuthi lezi zinhlobo zeziqondiso ezivela kochwepheshe zithola indlela yazo ezincwadini zabazali, amakholomu omagazini, namapheshana amancane owathatha ehhovisi likadokotela. Bakhona yonke indawo. Zilethwa njengezingcezu zokuhlakanipha eziwusizo, kodwa empeleni ziyimiyalelo emincane ehloselwe ukusigcina sigxile ekuziphatheni kwethu kwangasese esikhundleni sokuhlangana nabanye ukuphonsela inselelo ubuhlanya bezinga elikhulu lezikhungo zethu ezisekelwe ukuhaha.
UCynthia Peters ungumhleli we Umenzeli Wokushintsha. Uyisishoshovu sesikhathi eside futhi eyilungu le City Life/Vida Urbana, futhi usebenza ebhodini lenhlangano yezobulungiswa yentsha ebizwa Isikole Sedolobha kanye nebhodi labafundi be-alumni Umcabango Womphakathi kanye Nomnotho Wezepolitiki e-UMASS/Amherst. Uhlala eBoston futhi uyabhalela I-ZNet futhi TeleSur.
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Ngakho-ke lesi sihloko kufanele sibe impendulo esiqeshini sombono umfana asibhala ngezinto abazali abangazenza ukuze bagxilise izici ezithile zobuntu nokuziphatha ezinganeni zabo. Angazi ukuthi lesi sihloko sikhuluma ngani. Ngicabanga ukuthi imayelana nentukuthelo nokugxeka kanye nokukhungatheka kanye nentukuthelo eyengeziwe. Ngiyaqiniseka ukuthi uNkz. Peters wayenokuthile okuhle engqondweni ngesikhathi eqala ukubhala. Ngingaba nentshisekelo yokuthola ukuthi bekuyini.