JC Penney Co, KS -Federal agents raided headquarters of the “Self Described Anarchist Collective” yesterday after psychic forces detected illegal downloading of dead spirits. Spiritualism copyrighted by Parker Brothers, was medium being used through séance at SDAC’s zine release party. The spirits evoked were nihilist “anarchist” Jorge Luis Borges and “anarcho”-socialist Oscar Wilde, prompting their imprisonments for actively associating with other self described “anarchists.” They have been charged with conspiracy to riot in furtherance of terrorism. A third, Margaret Anderson, escaped with copies of the zine, uploading it to SDAC’s website. Any information on the whereabouts of Anderson should be immediately reported to the authorities.
The catastrophe has prompted authorities to redefine the use of the word anarchist as something that can’t be self-described. At a press conference a reporter asked the head of the FBI if he was familiar with Wilde’s work. He replied, “I especially like the Ernest one, um, Ernest goes to camp, but this is beside the point. It goes to show that anarchists are as unimaginative as their politics.”
Self Described Anarchist Collective
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