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The medical records and documents of the Protesters recovered from a few of their top leaders apprehended recently have revealed secrets about the lives of the Protesters which they would have probably liked to remain hidden. The records and documents provide answers to very important questions about the personal lives of these miscreants, authorities have informed our special investigative correspondent.

The purpose of these investigations was to highlight the great irony of the lives of these Protesters, which is that while they have been revealing and protesting against the official and institutional activities of the state and corporate leaders — and which has placed them at the centre of the firestorm about the controversy related to the right to know and the right to justice — in their personal lives they have been highly secretive. The investigation also aimed at finding out the truth about the consistency between the high moral ground taken by them and the realities of their own lives.

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One of the glaring facts to have come out of these investigations, based on the records and documents we mentioned, is that these protesters have blood with the color red. Apart from the obvious political implications of this disturbing fact, it is also worth noting that most criminals and terrorists have red blood. It will have to be seen how the Protesters and their sympathizers are now going to explain the high moral ground they have been taking, even as the authorities and corporate leaders have been humbly trying to get them to enter negotiations.

The documents and records recovered, as well as our interviews with people who have had encounters with them, also make available details about their body shapes, their bodily fluids, the clothes worn by them, the diseases they have had, and a lot more.

Officials who helped us in the investigations, have observed that a careful analysis of these details indicate that crimes and immoral activities like rape, sexual deviance, unprovoked violence, unfair treatment towards women and minorities, financial irregularities, as well as not washing their hands before and after protesting, sleeping irregularly and listening to romantic and boisterous songs are fairly common among the members of these Protesting groups.

We have found out that some of them come from troubled families.

Not only that, some of them even have children.

In an astonishing act of arrogance and disregard for the security services, one of them had sent emails and documents addressed to ISI Calcutta. We are trying to find out how the ISI came to establish a full fledged branch with a public address in Calcutta.

We are in touch with experts and will be updating with a report about how this could be an evidence of the delusional and psychotic nature of the people involved in these groups.

The media’s focus for the last few months may have been on the troubling details of the cases that some of the protesters are facing. But it’s fascinating to discover how their lives have had so much unhappiness and lack of privilege – not that you’ll be reading about it on their all-disclosing websites any time soon.