Source: Alexeisorokin

Yet another difficult story to write. I wish I could write something more comforting, less menacing, something that’d separate Russia from its mentally deranged leader.

I left Moscow almost a decade ago but my parents are still there. I have friends with who I closely keep in touch. With my three closest Russian friends (we went to college and it wasn’t in Russia) I’ve had, for many years, a messaging group and we chat every day.

I never had any illusions about Putin’s leadership — in its third decade now — in Russia being under some threat. By leadership, I mean that most people support him. Yes, there is probably election meddling and the figures are probably not as high as they make them be, in every election cycle. Yes, there is some opposition. They protest in the streets. Sometimes. That says it all how I described it — “some”, “sometimes”.

When this terrible war on Ukraine started a few days ago, I wasn’t sure though about how it’s perceived in Russia. Of course, Russian TV brainwashes the nation with its propaganda. De-nazifying Ukraine, NATO aggression, and so on. And it’s not even a war at all. It’s a military operation, apparently. But so vastly different this situation is in its scale and the horrific cost — loss of lives — that I wasn’t sure how it’s seen from within Russia. So I’ve been asking my relatives and friends. In fear, almost, not wanting to hear the truth.

Well, the truth is dark. It’s clear that most Russians support the war. The degrees of support vary.

My Dad describes it simply — most people support it. I just spoke to him. He says for many there is an element of a Hollywood movie. They expect to see (and probably are seeing it based on what they are watching on TV) a fast and impressive operation where Russia shows its glory and power, kind of like the US showed in the Gulf War (operation “Desert Storm”). That makes sense. I’m not surprised. The country’s regime has always made sure it nurtured the pride related to the country’s military power. Every May there is a bombastic (pun intended) parade in central Moscow with all kinds of military vehicles and fighter jets. The country has every right of course to celebrate its hard-fought win over the Nazis but the ever-increasing scale of celebrations is a fitting part of Putin’s style and war-mongering regime.

My Mom says the same. While she’s crying and raging at the war, she notes that most of her friends have stayed silent; they haven’t called at all. She’d had heated political arguments with them even long before this war. Most are anti-West and are proud of Russia’s supposedly restored power under Putin.

My closest friend says his entire family — his parents, his wife, and his brother, are in the pro-war camp. He’s the only one horrified by what’s going on.

My very close relative (I’ll have to conceal who exactly!) hanged up on one of my kids the other day, raging at the talk of Russians carrying out a full-fledged war that, among others, is killing civilians. Apparently, everything we are seeing here in the West is fake. The attacks on the civilian population are staged by the Ukrainians themselves. The Ukrainian president is a joke. And it’s not a war, it’s a military operation.

My other close friend said that his brother is (quote) “ready to go himself to Champs-Élysées with a machine gun; he doesn’t care about anything material; everyone in Europe is a pederast and over-consumer; in Russia, there are real values and people”.

A connection on Facebook — a movie producer with over two million followers— keeps sharing various patriotic posts, degrading Ukraine, and praising Russia. For example today: “So far the world is struggling to expel one of Russia’s sporting organizations: tank biathlon”

I have many other examples. I feel bad and guilty about resharing this sick patriotic pornography but the reality is unambiguous.

What will it take for these Russians to at least start questioning their reality? Coffins coming back? Unemployment and poverty that will inevitably hit very soon? A full-fledged war that brings hell to everyone’s home, in whatever country?

I don’t know.

But it’s sad and dark.

I want to finish on an optimistic note. Well, it’s kind of unrelated to this story but it’s a sweet memory.

I came to America for the first time in 1994 — as a fourteen-year-old teenager. I spent a year in Oklahoma and stayed with an American host family with who I still keep in touch. They are amazing and played a huge positive role in my life. In the summer after I returned to Moscow a year later, Rick (my host dad) visited me. We had an awesome couple of weeks in Moscow, as I showed Rick around the city. You see us in this picture walking in Red Square (I’m wearing the dark glasses, Rick is to the left of me, smiling). Look at this happiness, at how there are no borders of any kind.

Fuck this terrible war. I’m heartbroken. I’m crying writing this.

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