Ndiye ndahleka kakhulu amatyeli aliqela xa ndandifunda inqaku lezimvo elisasazwe ngokubanzi leNew York Times elibizwa Ukukhulisa Umntwana Oziphethe Kakuhle. Umbhali, uAdam Grant, unenjongo yokwabelana ngophando oluphambili oluya kunceda abazali basebenzise amabinzana afanelekileyo ukuze badumise izenzo zobubele, babonise isimilo esihle, baze babonise ukuphoxeka kunokuba nomsindo xa umntwana esilela ukuphila ngemilinganiselo yokuziphatha.
"Yintoni efunekayo ukuze ube ngumzali olungileyo?" ubuza kumgca wokuvula isincoko, ingcinga kukuba mhlawumbi siza kufumanisa kule mihlathi ilandelayo. Yaye ngoxa kusenokubakho iinxalenye ezithile kweli nqaku onokuthi uzithabathe uze uziqhelise ekhaya, isigidimi esoyisayo esiya kubazali sithi: Zibethe ngoyaba izinto eziyinyaniso. Zikhwebuke kwiingcinezelo zangaphandle ezoyikekayo kuthi sonke (abazali nabantwana ngokufanayo) sibe ngaphantsi kokuziphatha ngalo lonke ixesha. Khuphuka kumaphupha amabi acacileyo kwaye ugxile kwiminuscule yokuziphatha yabucala enokuthi ixeliswe yinkawu eqeqeshiweyo.
Abayi khangela njengokuziphatha oqeqeshwe-inkawu ngenxa yokuba eshrined kwi ENew York Times uluvo, olubhaliweyo kwaye lufundwe ngabantu abafunde kakhulu, kwaye izimvo zombhali zixhaswa zizigidi zeerandi. uphando yenziwe ngabantu abanayo iminyaka emininzi yoqeqesho, ebavumela ukuba bayile kwaye baqhube imifuniselo ukufumanisa ukuba yeyiphi ukuziphatha kancinci khuthaza kakhulu livuselele abantwana. Kodwa ziqeqeshelwe ukuziphatha iinkawu, kwaye zisisithuko kubazali abangakhulisi abantwana kwindawo engenanto nakubantwana abathi, bengabantu, mhlawumbi. babeya bakhetha ukukhula ngendlela ebavumela ukuba baqhagamshelwe kwaye babe nesisa nabanye kodwa abafuna… balinde…ngaphezu kweendlela ezimbalwa ezimiselweyo zokuziphatha zabazali.
Nokuba unikezela ukuba ezinye zezi ndlela zokuziphatha zenkawu eziqeqeshiweyo zifanelekile - kwaye mhlawumbi zifanelekile - ndiza kuthetha ngakumbi ngazo ngezantsi, kwaye ungazigqibela ngokwakho. Bagubungela inxalenye encinane ngolo hlobo yemiyalezo abantwana bethu abayifumanayo malunga nehambo yokuziphatha ongenakukwazi ukuzibamba kodwa uhleke ngenxa yokuhlekisa kwembono yenqaku. Oko kukuthi, ewe, ukuba awukhali… okanye unikezela kumyalezo, nto leyo uninzi lwethu bazali oluphela luyenza kuba ukuba ukufuna uncedo – naluphi na uncedo. Uyazi ukuba kuhamba njani: Ungumzali. Uziva wedwa. Unokuba nomzali osebenzisana naye kunye nenethiwekhi yabantu abaxhasayo, kodwa uninzi luwela kuwe kwaye uchasene ne-avalanche ye-crap, kubandakanywa kodwa kungaphelelanga kwiintengiso ezikhohlisayo ezijolise nakwiintsana zethu, ukungabikho kwempilo endilisekileyo. inkathalo kunye nomvuzo ondilisekileyo, imiyalezo yenkcubeko ejongela phantsi ukuba mdaka, mnyama, ngumfazi, queer, okanye ukwahluka ngokwahlukileyo nangayiphi na indlela, kwaye oko kukhomba umnwe kumama malunga nayo yonke into, kunye nezinye iingxaki ezincinci njengeendleko zeenkwenkwezi zokhathalelo lwemini, umbhobho wesikolo ukuya entolongweni, uvavanyo oluphezulu, amazinga aphezulu e-asthma ngenxa yongcoliseko lomoya, izinto eziyityhefu kuyo yonke indawo (embi kakhulu kwimizimba ekhulayo), kunye neengxaki ezincinci eziza nokuhlala kuluntu olunamaziko amakhulu. iqhutywa kukubawa nobusela, ishiya i-1% idada ngaphezu kwayo yonke into kwaye abanye bethu baxinezelekile, bamaxabiso aphantsi, ematyaleni, kwaye baya belamba, bengenamakhaya, kwaye singenathemba.
Xa kunikwe le nyaniso, njani i ENew York Times sicebise ukuba sikhulise abantwana abaziphethe kakuhle? Kaloku, kolunye ulingo, abantwana abanamabhastile amaninzi baba nethuba lokwabelana ngamabhastile abo nabantwana “abangamahlwempu”. Abanye abantwana ababelana nabo babenezabo ukuziphatha bancoma (“Kwakuhle ukuba unike abo bantwana bangamahlwempu amanye amabhastile akho. Ewe, ibiyinto entle neluncedo leyo ukuyenza”). Ngelixa abanye abantwana ababelane babenezabo uphawu wancoma, (“Ndicinga ukuba uluhlobo lomntu oluthandayo ukunceda abanye nanini na unako. Ewe, ungumntu olunge gqitha noluncedo”). Kwiiveki ezimbalwa kamva, xa aba bantwana baba nelinye ithuba lokwabelana nabo, abo uphawu ebenconywa etyekele ekubeni nesisa ngakumbi kunabo bawo ukuziphatha waye wanconywa.
Umphumo: xa umntwana wakho enika abantwana abahluphekayo ngamabhastile, mncome isimilo sakhe, hayi indlela aziphatha ngayo. Kodwa kuthekani xa babe musa ukwabelana ngamabhastile abo? Abaphandi bathi kubalulekile ukuba ungabahlazi abantwana bakho, nto leyo enokubenza bazive kakubi ngabo. Kunoko, kufuneka ubonise ukuphoxeka kwakho. “Ubuhle bokubonakalisa ukuphoxeka kukuba kunxibelelana nokungavunywa kwehambo embi, ehambisana nolindelo olukhulu kunye nethuba lokuphucula: `Ungumntu olungileyo, nokuba wenze into embi, kwaye ndiyazi ukuba ungenza ngcono. '”
Okokugqibela, uphando lubonisa ukuba ukwenza imodeli yokuziphatha kakuhle kusebenza ngakumbi kunokuthetha ngokuziphatha okuhle. Umzekelo, ukuba abantwana bajonge utitshala wabo do into enesisa kodwa hayi intetho ngayo, kunokwenzeka ukuba babe nesisa ngokwabo.
Ke, bazali, nantsi indlela abangcolisa ngayo iingqondo zethu:
Usuka ufunde eli nqaku uziva ngathi unjalo konke kuwe ukukhulisa umntwana oziphethe kakuhle nokuba yindlela oziphatha ngayo eyona nto ibalulekileyo. Ukongezelela kulo lonke olunye uxinezeleko lobuzali obunalo, ngoku uya kuba nolunye uxinezeleko: “Yima. Ngaba bendifanele ndincome isimilo okanye indlela yokuziphatha?” Kodwa, ungakhathazeki; uyakwazi ukukhumbula imigca yakho. Uyakuyifumana ngokuhamba kwexesha. Uya kuziqhelanisa nobuso bakho obudanileyo esipilini. Qinisekisa ukuba ayibobuso obunomsindo! Okanye ubuso obubangela iintloni! Kwaye khumbula ukuba ngumzekelo omhle. Qiniseka nje ukuba awuthethi ngayo kuba, emva kwayo yonke loo nto, loo nto iyawonakalisa umphumo.
Okubi kakhulu: Ngelixa usahlulahlula ezi ndlela zokukhulisa umntwana oziphethe kakuhle kwaye uzijonge ngamehlo abomvu ithuba lokuba ngumzekelo omhle, uya kuyithintela ngobulumko yonke imiyalezo malunga nokubawa kunye nobunini kunye nokuphakama omnye umntwana ufumana malunga nebhiliyoni yeminye imithombo. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, inkcubeko yethu igcwele yimiyalezo yokuba ukufumana isisinyanzelo sokuziphatha, ukuba indlela yokulunga kukuba nezinto ezininzi, kwaye indlela yokuba yeyona nto ilungileyo kukuba nezinto ezininzi kunaye nabani na. Ukubawa kugqalwa njengento entle esizalwa nayo; sisithuthuthu esiqhuba uqoqosho lwethu luphela, kwaye ke imithombo yobutyebi engapheliyo ichithwa ukuyithethelela, ukuyixhasa, nokuyenza ibonakale njengomgangatho ofanelekileyo endaweni yokonakeleyo. Uzakufuna ukuyivala le miyalezo kuba ukuba uyithathile kwaye uyijonge ecaleni kwenjongo yokukhulisa umntwana oziphethe kakuhle, unokufumana…andazi…ukudimazeka kancinci. Kwaye ngubani ofuna ukuziva oko? Okona kulungileyo ukwenza okuthethwa yikholamu yeengcebiso, kwaye uqhubele phambili kwaye ugxile kwinto onokuyilawula - njengokhetho lwakho lwamabinzana xa uncoma umntwana wakho kunye nembonakalo yobuso bakho xa uthethisa umntwana wakho.
Kwaye, ekugqibeleni, eyona nto imbi kakhulu: Eli nqaku liya kukuphazamisa kwiingxaki zokwenyani zokuziphatha esijongene nazo, kwaye ndikholelwe ukuba azinanto yakwenza nendlela abantwana bethu abanikela ngokulula ngayo ngamabhastile kubantwana abangamahlwempu. Iingxaki zokwenyani zokuziphatha zikhulu kakhulu, zikho kuyo yonke indawo, zixhonywe kuzo zonke iinkalo zobukho bethu kangangokuba silibale ukuba ziingxaki ezenziwe ngabantu ezinokuthi ke ngoko zilungiswe ngabantu. Ngokomzekelo, kweli lizwe lifumileyo elinabantu abaninzi, kutheni kukho abantwana “abangamahlwempu”? Kukuziphatha njani ukuba sineenkqubo kwiindawo zethu zoluntu ezivumela umphumo: abantwana abahluphekileyo? Kwaye ngaba kukuziphatha ukuchitha owazi-imali-imali kangakanani ukwenza iimvavanyo malunga nokunika amabhastile kubantwana abahluphekayo kunokusebenzisa ezo zixhobo ukufumanisa indlela yokubuyisela iinkqubo ezibangela ukungalingani okumangalisayo?
Amajelo eendaba, isicakakazi sokunyoluka kwenkampani, asifuni ukuba sibuze okanye siphendule imibuzo enjalo. Amacebiso okukhulisa abantwana abasinika wona yenye nje yeendlela ezisigcina sikwindawo yethu. Kwaye awukhuselekanga kuyo ukuba awuyifundi ENew York Times. Qala ukuqaphela imiyalezo ejoliswe kubazali, kwaye uya kubona ukuba ezi ntlobo zezikhokelo ezivela kwiingcali zifumana indlela yazo kwiincwadi zabazali, iikholomu zamaphephancwadi, kunye neencwadana ezincinci ozithatha kwiofisi kagqirha. Bakho kuyo yonke indawo. Ziziswa njengamasuntswana obulumko oncedo, kodwa eneneni ziyimigqaliselo emxinwa ejolise ekusigcineni sigxile kwimikhwa yethu yangasese yabucala endaweni yokuzimanya nabanye ukucela umngeni kwimpambano yenqanaba elikhulu lamaziko ethu asekelwe ukubawa.
UCynthia Peters ngumhleli we Iarhente yoTshintsho. Ulilungu lexesha elide kwaye ulilungu le Ubomi beSixeko / iVida Urbana, kwaye ukhonza kwibhodi yombutho wobulungisa wolutsha ebizwa Isikolo seSixeko kunye nebhodi yabalumni be Ingcinga yeNtlalo kunye noQoqosho lwezoPolitiko e-UMASS/Amherst. Uhlala eBoston kwaye uyabhalela ZNet kwaye TeleVULA.
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Nikela
1 amagqabantshintshi
So this article is supposed to be a response to an opinion piece a guy wrote about things parents can do to instill certain character traits and behaviors in their children. I have no idea what the article is actually about. I think it’s about anger and cynicism and frustration and more anger. I’m quite certain Ms. Peters had something cogent in mind when she began writing. I would be interested in finding out what it was.