Umama wangizala esanda kufika kuleli zwe, ngineminyaka engu-22 ubudala futhi ebudlelwaneni obuhlukumezayo. Wapakisha isikhwama washiya ubaba wami nginamasonto ayisi-6 ebalekela udlame lwasekhaya. Iminyaka bekuyimi kanye naye efulethini lethu lomkhandlu waseNingizimu London. Ngezinye izikhathi sasingakwazi ukufaka izinto zokushisisa. Ngezinye izikhathi wayelamba ngenxa yami; ngezinye izikhathi wayezifaka engozini yokuqasha ukuze angithengele isipho sosuku lokuzalwa.
Sasiphila ngobumpofu. Wayengakwazi ukungikhulisa, umama ongayedwana phakathi kwezinkulumo zikaJohn Major ezimfaka amademoni kanye nabo bonke abanye omama abangabodwa ezweni. Ngiyaqaphela ukuthi ukuphila kwakuyoba lula kakhulu kuye ukube wayengenami ngaleso sikhathi. Ukubeletha kwakufanelana kangcono nesikhathi lapho wayenemali ezinyaweni zakhe, ezimele, isikhumba esingenayo imivimbo. Yingoba ngiyamthanda ukuthi ngiyakubona lokhu. Wadela ukuqhubeka kwempilo yakhe ngenxa yami. Ngalokhu ngiyabonga, kodwa futhi ngiyabona amathuba enginawo okuthi wanqatshelwa kaningi, ngoba wangikhulisa emhlabeni owawunezingqinamba ezinqwabelene kuye.
Ukube ubeke wacabanga ukukhipha isisu, bengingeke ngimbize ngobugovu noma njengomuntu ozimele. Ngingakubiza ngokuthi isenzo sokuzigcina. Yilokhu okulindelekile kokuzidela okwenziwa kubo bonke abantu besifazane okungicasulayo uma amadoda ebona kufanele afundise abesifazane ngokuhushulwa kwezisu.
Futhi yilesi simo esiphazamisa kakhulu uMehdi Hasan asithatha lapho kubhala kuNew Statesman ukuthi empeleni kungenzeka ukuba uphiko lwesobunxele kanye nokuzikhethela. Kwesokunxele kuthatha inkulumo-ze yokuzikhethela, uyagcizelela, lapho eveza ukubaluleka kwelungelo lowesifazane lokuzikhethela. Laba besifazane abathatha lezi zinqumo balungile ubugovu. Kufana nokuthi kwesokunxele nesokudla kushintshe imibono. Ingabe laba besifazane abaqondi ukuthi imizimba yabo ihloseni ngokuyinhloko? Ubani ozokhulumela ingane engakazalwa?
Ufuna inkulumo-mpikiswano ephusile kulokhu, uyagcizelela, njengoba ehlasela umnyombo wobuntu bakho. Ama-hysterics akho afakazela kuphela ukuthi awazi ukuthi ungaphikisana kanjani ngalezi zinto ngendlela efanele. Ungahambe umbize ngamagama anembe ngokweqiniso njengokuthi 'ongabafazi'โngoba lokho kuwukuthuka, futhi lokho kulimaza imizwa yakhe.
Izici zokungqubuzana kwakhe kungenzeka zibhalwe ngeminwe yephathi yetiye. Ucaphuna umbhali olwela amalungelo abantu besifazane uDaphne de Jong, oveza iphuzu elibalulekile mayelana 'nohlelo oluklanywe futhi oluqhutshwa ngamadoda ukuze kube lula kwabesilisa'. Kodwa ugeja iphuzu laphaโabesifazane abasebenzisi ngobugovu ekukhipheni izisu ukuze bahlanganyele emphakathini ngoba sifuna ukufana namadoda. Umphakathi unamathele kithi. Ukuphila kwansuku zonke kufeza futhi kukhonze isimo sokuba yindoda, futhi kubukela phansi umsebenzi wabesifazane njengongabalulekile futhi ongabalulekile. Sitshelwa ukuthi singaba nakho konke kuze kufike lapho kufanele sizithobe ezidingweni zakhe futhi sibheke izingane zakhe. Futhi uHasan uqhubekisela phambili lokhu lapho ukuzimisela kwakhe kwebhayoloji kusitshela ngempumelelo ukuthi sazi indawo yethu.
Inkulumo-mpikiswano ebizwa ngokukhishwa kwezisu ayinakulungiseka, ngoba zombili izinhlangothi ziqala emicabangweni emibili ehlukene. Abanye abantu bakholelwa ukuthi inhloso yabesifazane kulo mhlaba ukuzidela, kanti abanye bakholelwa ukuthi abesifazane akufanele bahlaselwe amademoni uma bekhetha indlela ehlukile yokuphila.
Nakhu ukuthi kungani ucezu lukaHasan lumelene nabesifazane. Uzama ukuyihlela kabusha inkulumo-mpikiswano ngemibandela yakhe, eyihlwitha ezandleni zabantu abangakhulelwa, egcizelela esimisweni 'sokuziphatha' kunamalungelo abantu besifazane, futhi ngenxa yalokho ekhaphela ilungelo lakhe lobudoda kanye nomuzwa ophakeme wokufaneleka.
Lapho ezindla ngokuthi yiliphi ilungu lomphakathi wethu elidinga izwi ukwedlula umntwana oyisimungulu esibelethweni, ukhipha abesifazane esibalweni, ngokuphelele; imicabango yabesifazane, amathemba ethu, amaphupho ethu, izinhloso zethu kanye nezinjongo zethuโokungase kuhlanganise noma kungafaki izingane.
Kuyoba khona usuku lapho ukuba ngumama kuyisinqumo esinethezekile, esinolwazi kubo bonke abesifazane, ukukhetha abesifazane abangakukhetha ngaphandle kokuyeka umsebenzi noma ukuthenga ukunakekela izingane. Kuyoba khona usuku lapho umphakathi uqaphela ukuthi u-50% wabantu ungazala izingane futhi uzihlanganise kahle nabantu ababondliwayo. Lolo suku luyofika ngoba abesifazane bazoqhubeka nokulwela. Mhlawumbe-ke inkulumo-mpikiswano ingashintsha. Kuze kube yileso sikhathi, indawo yabesifazane isekhona nobutha.
Kulindeleke ukuthi sinikele futhi siphe futhi sinikele ngokuzenzakalelayo, futhi singahloniphi labo abathi bangabanikazi phezu kwemizimba yethu, kungaba amadoda esibakhonza ngokungagunci, noma izingane esikhuliselwe ukunikela kuzo ngokuphila kwethu. Uma sichezuka kulokhu, sinamadimoniโizindeli zokusebenzisa ukuvimbela inzalo kanye nokujabulisa umqondo wobulili obuhlukile ngaphandle kokuzala, ubugovu ngokunquma ukulibazisa ukubeletha noma ukungabatholi nhlobo abantwana. Lo mcabango wokungahloniphi nabesifazane ugxile kakhulu emiqondweni yesiko lethu. Akuzange kucace ukuthi nini liyasitshela ukuthi imizimba yethu ingeyakho.
Kubalulekile ukungakhethi umqondo wokuzimela, igama eligcwele ukuchema kobulili. Akwenzeki ukuthi uzicabange uzimele uma ulindeleke ukuthi uthathe ubunikazi obugcwele babantu abathembele kuwe. Lapho u-Hasan ebiza abantu besifazane njengabanobugovu nabanobuntu obubodwa, ukuma kwakhe sintula ukuqonda okuqondile kwezimpilo zabesifazane. Inqobo nje uma amadoda afana naye egxile endabeni yokukhulelwa okungase kube nempilo yomuntu ongase akwazi ukuthwala isikhathi eside, abesifazane bazoqhubeka behliselwa esikhundleni sokuba yi-incubator eyinyama.
Kodwa futhi, akumangazi ukuthi ukuma kwakhe kubukela phansi abantu besifazane ngokuphelele. Kukhona igama lalokho: ubulili.
I-Reni Eddo-Lodge ungumfundi we-MA kanye nombhali ozisebenzelayo. Ube nesandla ku Guardian, IZwi F kanye nenqwaba yamanye amahabhu ophiko lwesokunxele lokubhala. Uyabloga lapha kanye nama-tweets lapha.
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