Emva kokuba eyona ntaka idumileyo yaseVancouver ifumene ingqwalasela yayo yemizuzu eli-15 mva nje, ndashiyeka ndizibuza ukuba kwenzeka njani ukuba siphile kwinkcubeko eyenziwe phantse ngokupheleleyo ngabathengisi.
UPasquale Angelino ("Charlie") uZampieri betha izihloko xa wayemangalela owayesakuba yintombi awayeza kutshata nayo ukuba abuyiselwe i-16,500 yeedola ezingama-XNUMX zeerandi zesafire kunye nedayimani umsesane awamnika wona, emva kweeveki ezintathu beqhelana, elindele ulonwabo lwabo oluza kutshata kungekudala. Baye badibana kwenye yezi sayithi zokuthandana kwi-intanethi, amabali eendaba abaliswa ngovuyo, kwaye nge-akhawunti yakhe yayiyi kismet.
Owu, bekungenzelwanga ukuba kube ngenxa yezizathu ezingacacanga kwiingxelo, nangona uZampieri ohluphekayo esithi waziva uJessica Bennett, awamchaza njengohlobo oluthile lukaJezebhele wedijithali, wathatha ithuba ngaye. Kwiiveki ezimbini ezidlulileyo uye wafaka ityala ngo-B.C. INkundla ePhakamileyo ukuba ibange kwakhona iringi. Kwiveki ephelileyo, uye wafaka isimangalo sokunyeliswa.
Okushiyekileyo kubasebenzi beendaba abangoyikiyo bale dolophu baye bathatha amanyathelo ukuze bafumane izimvo zabantu esitratweni. Abahambisi bezitalato, abakhe bajongwa njengelona khetho lokugqibela labangenabuchule bobuvila, ngoku bakumgangatho wegolide kubuntatheli kwaye kufuneka ndivume ukuba banikezela ngombono.
Umbono woluntu uwela kwiinkampu ezimbini, njengoko zishwankathelwe ngumbhangqwana oneminyaka ephakathi: "Sisipho, unelungelo lokusigcina!" wanyanzelisa umfazi. โUmlahlile, kufuneka ayibuyise,โ waphendula watsho umyeni wakhe. (Ndiyoyika ukuba banokuba nengxabano yomtshato ngaphandle kwekhamera.)
Kodwa akakho umntu omnye kumngcelele weestrola ezisecaleni kwendlela oye waphendula ekuphela kwengqiqo: Yintoni le wayecinga ukuba lo mfo wayecinga ukuba umsesane wawusenzelwa?
Isiko elingathandekiyo
Iringi yothethathethwano ayikho, njengoko abakhangisi bedayimane beminyaka engama-80 edlulileyo okanye kunjalo baye bagxininisa, uphawu lothando: luhlobo lwentlawulo ephantsi kwilungu lobufazi elinyulu.
Bendisoloko ndicinga ukunika imisesane yothethathethwano lisiko elingathandekiyo, kuba laqala ngexesha apho abasetyhini babencokola, ngaphezulu okanye ngaphantsi. Asiyonto yothando. Iringi indikhumbuza ixesha apho abafazi babengenako ukuba nempahla kuba babeyipropathi. Ewe, ngaphandle kwabahlolokazi. Kukho isizathu sokuba uMhlolokazi oMerry wodumo lwe-opera wayevuya kakhulu.
Njengoko uScott Fitzgerald waphawulayo ngeminyaka yoo-1920, izityebi zahlukile kum nawe, kwaye isiko lokubeka phantsi umsesane womtshato yinto eyayisenziwa ngabantu abazizityebi ngexesha apho umtshato wawuqatshelwa ukuba uyintoni kanye kanye: isivumelwano seshishini. Yenzelwe ukukhusela ipropathi (kunye nemibutho yezopolitiko phakathi kwasebukhosini kunye ne-aristocracy) kunye nokuqinisekisa ukuba kuya kubakho indlalifa kunye ne-spare ukuyidla yonke into.
Yiyo loo nto ubuntombi obusetyhini babuyinto enkulu. Yayinexabiso lemali kuba yayiqhagamshelwe kwipropati. Uvavanyo lwangaphambi kwe-DNA, akukho mntu unokuqiniseka ukuba ngubani uyise ngaphandle kokuba umtshakazi wayenyulu ngokungenakuphikiswa. Kwaye akukho mntu ufuna ukubona ipropathi isiya kwi-bastards. Emva kokuhanjiswa koonyana abayimfuneko, wonke umntu wayekhululekile ukuba ahambe ngeendlela zokuzonwabisa ezilumkileyo, kwaye impelaveki yelizwe kwi-manor house yangena kwi-vogue.
Kwaye ngoluntu babengathethi hoi polloi njengam nawe, ngokunjalo. Babethetha oko umbhali weencwadi wenkulungwane ye-19 u-Edith Wharton wakubiza ngokuba ziintsapho ezingama-400 zaseNew York.
Amakhonkco njengabagcini
Ke, amakhonkco othethathethwano asebenze njengohlobo logcino - iskimu sokuqeshisa ngesibeleko, ukuba uyathanda. Inxalenye engachazwanga yesivumelwano yayikukuba uthethathethwano lwalusoloko luvumela ukuba kwenziwe isampulu yeempahla.
Uthethathethwano olwaphukileyo lwalufana neshishini elihamba kakubi: kwakukho iziphumo zoqoqosho kunye neqela elenzakeleyo (ibhinqa, elavunywa ukuba lisengozini) linelungelo lokufumana imbuyekezo.
Kwimeko yendoda eyaphula, wayenayo into ebizwa ngokuba yintatheli "yimali yokubulala." Ngenxa yokuba umyeni othandabuzayo wayengatshintshi nje ingqondo yakhe: wayexelela ihlabathi ukuba wayengonelanga ngandlela-thile. Uye wamzama, wamfumana engafuni. Kwaye oko wayephumile, umโฆ wazamaโฆ wayephumile kwimarike yomtshato kangangeenyanga ezilithoba.
Elo yayilixesha elingenammiselo ngexesha laxa i-50 yayisele ikhulile. I-Spinsterhood yavela ngama-25. Ke abasetyhini babengafuni ukubonwa bexakeke ngokufumana i-stale-dating okanye ukunxitywa kwevenkile.
Njengoko abakumgangatho ophakathi baguquka kwaye baqala ukuba nepropathi, baqala ukulinganisa abo bangcono, kwaye ukwaphulwa kwemithetho yezithembiso kwavela ukukhusela abafazi. Iringi zomtshato zazingaqhelekanga phakathi kwabantu bam (abasebenzi) de kwasemva kokuba ishishini lomtshato lizisungule ngokwalo ngeminyaka yee-1920. Le nto ngoku siyibiza ngokuba ngumtshato "wesintu" eneneni yipantomime ephantsi yomtshato woluntu othe wathengiswa ebantwini.
Abaphezulu banika amakhonkco othethathethwano anamatye exabiso elihlala lihleli njengesafire kunye neerubhi (njengoko kusenjalo ubukhosi), kodwa ubutyebi bemigodi yedayimani eyafunyanwa ekupheleni kwenkulungwane ye-19 yenza amatye amhlophe angabizi mali kwaye abe maninzi. Kwakufuneka benze imarike yeli litye, ngoko ke baqala ukuthengisa iidayimani njengeyona ring ifanelekileyo yothethathethwano yokungena kolu shishino lutsha lomtshato.
Ubuchule bokuthengisa bokwenyani emva kwendandatho yothethathethwano yayingumkhupheli apho wonke umfundi wentengiso afunda wabhala isilogeni esisodwa esisebenzayo ngalo lonke ixesha, ngo-1947: "Idayimane ingunaphakade."
UFrances Gerety (owathi ngengozi wayeyi-spinster) ngobuchule wadibanisa uthando lothando kumakhonkco okubandakanya idayimani, ngonaphakade. Uyifihlile imvelaphi yabo ekhwankqisayo njengentlawulo ephantsi kwi-chattel, kwaye abathengisi bedayimani basafumana inzuzo kwingcinga yakhe ebukhali.
Fumana loo mkhenkce
Esona sizathu samakhonkco othethathethwano asizange siphulukane nabantu belo xesha, nangona kunjalo, njengoko umphengululi wezomthetho uMargaret Brinig watshoyo xa wayephanda ngembali yokwaphulwa kwemithetho yezithembiso. Ngokupheliswa kwaloo mithetho kwiminyaka yee-1930 kwafika ukwanda kweentengiso zamakhonkco othethathethwano kubantu abaninzi.
Ayisiyonto nje eyenzeka ngebhaqo, kwaye ayililo ishishini lomtshato elinyukayo. Kuyabonakala ukuba malunga nesiqingatha sezibini ezitshatileyo zazilalana ngaphambi komtshato ngeminyaka yee-1940, kwaye abaphandi bakholelwa ukuba abafazi babekhangela uphawu lokuzibophelela endodeni ngaphambi kokuba benze into yasendle. Ngexesha lokulawulwa kokuzalwa okungathembekiyo, indandatho yayisabonwa njengentlawulo ephantsi kunye nohlobo lwepolisi ye-inshorensi kwimeko apho indoda ibolile kwaye yamshiya ebambe umntwana.
Iimbono zepragmatic zosuku mhlawumbi zishwankathelwe kakuhle kwingoma ka-1949 ethi "Iidayimani ngumhlobo osenyongweni wentombazana": "Fumana loo mkhenkce, okanye akukho dice."
Ukuba konke oku kuvakala kakubi kumacala omabini, nceda ukhumbule ukuba umtshato sisivumelwano: amaqela atshintshiselana ngeempahla kunye/okanye iinkonzo ukuze afumane izibonelelo. Nangona, ndicinga ukuba lo mfazi ubetha le ngoma usenokuba unesivumelwano esingesiso umtshato engqondweni.
Esibuyisela kuCharlie Zampieri kunye noJessica Bennett, kwaye luhlobo luni lolungiselelo lweshishini ababenalo olwalufuna umgcini. Ngaba uCharlie wayecinga ukuba uboleka uJessica umsesane njengomboniso wepropathi ekwabelwana ngayo kwixesha elizayo? Ngaba wayecinga ukuba umnike into ebhadlileyo ukuze afumane inkonzo awayenzele yona kwiinyanga ezingama-20 bekunye?
Ngamafutshane: xa kunikwa imithetho elinganayo kunye nolawulo lokuzala olusebenzayo, yintoni ehlabathini ehamba ezingqondweni zabantu xa indoda ithatha isigqibo sokunika umfazi umsesane wokuthembisana?
Nantso ke into ekuya kufuneka ilungiswe yinkundla, kwaye ndilijonge ngamehlo abomvu elo tyala. (Nceda, makubekho ukuchotshelwa kwetyala. Kwakhona, nceda uvumele uMnumzana uJustice Paul Williamson achophele โ nguyena obhala esona sigqibo silumkileyo.)
Ngalo naliphi na ithamsanqa, umntu uya kulinganisa kwaye achaze ukuba siye saba ngamaxhoba njani entengiso kangangokuba asazi ukuba senza ntoni ngokwenene xa singena kwisivumelwano somtshato kwaye siqala ukudlulisa ubucwebe.
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Nikela