UAlbert noMansini: Abafana abalungileyo Gqiba okokugqibela.
Ngale ntsasa ndifunde into eyandiphazamisayo. Yayilinqaku kuYahoo elibizwa ngokuba "Kutheni 'Abafana 'Abahle' baGqiba Ekugqibeleni" yingcali yobudlelwane u-April Mansini (http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/85967/dating-secret-exposed-why-nice-guys-finish-last;_ylt=AqXTOQtJFcFJlLe.eLFLIvMazJV4). Ngokwendalo kuye kwafuneka ndiyifunde kuba ndizigqala njengomntu onobubele, andiluthandi ukhuphiswano, kwaye ndingamangaliswa xa ndijongwa njengomntu okruqulayo ngamabhinqa. Ndilifundile eli nqaku kwaye kukho izinto endiye ndayibona ngokuqinisekileyo ingongoma kaNks. Mansini. Umzekelo, ndiyayiqonda into yokuba amanye amabhinqa acinywa yindoda ebonakala "idelekile" kwaye "ibambelele". Andinangxaki ndivuma ukuba "dessperate" kunye "clingy" azikho mpilweni hayi nje indoda kodwa nabani. Nabani na onengxaki yokungakhuseleki ngokweemvakalelo uya kukhangela kumthombo okhuseleke ngakumbi kwaye lo mntu ungakhuselekanga uya kubambelela kumntu okhuselekileyo ukuze ahlawulele ukungabikho kokhuseleko kunye nokuzixabisa kwecala laloo mntu. Kodwa eyona nto yandichukumisayo kukuba le nto wayeyichaza uNksz Masini yayivakala kakhulu ukuthanda abanye abantu kwicala lamadoda athathwa "amnandi kakhulu"". Indoda enika phantse ngaphandle kwemiqathango, ngaphandle kokufumana nantoni na, ikhathalele ngokukhawuleza kwaye ininzi kakhulu. Umntu onikela ngako konke anako engafumani nto ngokutshintshana ngayo. Kulungile, i-altruism ayinampilo njengoko ndikholelwa ukuba i-egoism injalo. Kanye njengoko ndithatha ucwangciso lokuthatha inxaxheba njengenye indlela engcono yokucwangcisa umyalelo ophakathi kunye nokhuphiswano lwemarike, ndithatha i-humanism njengendlela engcono yokuziphatha kune-altruism (endiqinisekileyo ukuba iphantsi koqoqosho olulawulwa ngurhulumente olufana nolo luchazwe kwixesha elidlulileyo njenge "fascist" ) kunye ne-egoism (endikholelwa ukuba iphantsi kweengqondo zokhuphiswano lwemarike yabagcini bezopolitiko kunye nongxowankulu "abanobunkululeko".
Kulungile kwaye kulungile kwaye ndizifumana ndivumelana nale ngongoma. Kodwa eyona nto yayindikhathaza yayiyinkcazelo โedikayoโ. Abafana 'abamnandi' kakhulu "bayadika" kwaye "banokuxelwa kwangaphambili". Ndinomdla: kutheni kumele umntu abe emangazayo? Andingomntu unomdla. Mhlawumbi ndiqikelelwa njengewotshi ukuba ngaloo nto, umntu uyazi ukuba ndikhetha umzi othe cwaka ukuze ndize kuwo emva komsebenzi, ndithanda ukufunda iincwadi, mhlawumbi ndibukele iDVD. Usukelo lwam ebomini kukuba ndibe sisifundiswa esinezidanga kunye nomhlohli kwanokholeji. Andinamdla wokwenza nantoni na "evuyisayo". Ngoko, ndimangalele! Kudala ndizibuza into yokuba: ngaba lo mtsalane "wokuchulumancisa" yinto yebhayoloji okanye yendaleko kwindalo? Ngaba yinto yezoqoqosho?
Isizathu sam sokubuza silula: Ndiyakholelwa kwintsebenziswano elinganayo phakathi kwabantu. Esi sisizathu sokuba ndifumanise ukuba iParecon inomtsalane ngakumbi. Enyanisweni, ndandikuthanda ukubukela uMichael Albert kwividiyo echaza isizathu sokuba azive iParecon iyimfuneko. Waqala ngokuthi wayecinga ukuba kukho abantu abangenangxaki ngendlela izinto ezenzeka ngayo. Wachaza abantu ababecinga ukuba kulungile ukuba sihlala kwilizwe elinentabalala kwaye kukho abantu ababehlala phantsi kweebhulorho kwaye bengenamakhaya. Waphendula wathi, "Andiqondi ukuba kulungile". Uchaze "uhlanga lweempuku" zengqondo yobukhapitali kunye nobutshaba obubodwa obudalwa ngungxowankulu. Emva koko wakhumbula amazwi omphathi odumileyo we-baseball owayedla ngokuthi "'Abafana abalungileyo' bagqibe okokugqibela" kwaye wakhumbula indlela wonke umntu "ehleka kwaye egigitheka". UAlbert uqhubekile wachaza indlela aziva ngayo ukuba esi sisigwebo esoyikekayo soluntu ukuba bathi "'abafana abalungileyo' bagqibezele" kwaye wathi wayengenabubele njengomphathi we-baseball kodwa wayeya kuphendula "Inkunkuma iyanyuka".
Ndiyavumelana noAlbert kule nto. Bendibukele inkqubo kamabonakude ethi "Hell's Kitchen" laza elinye inenekazi ebelithatha inxaxheba kule nkqubo lathi "akafikanga apho bendikhoyo ngokubakho. intle". Oko kwandikhathaza, ukunyaniseka. Yintoni eyandicebisa ngayo njengoko abantu banokuhamba phambili kule mihla ngokuba yi-jerks, ngokungabi nalunya, ngokukhuphisana ngokukhohlakeleyo nabanye. Ukuba "ulungile" kunye "nobubele" kunye "nobumnene" Ukuze igqalwe njengendoda kule mihla, indoda kufuneka ibonakalise ukungakhathali nokungakhathali kwabanye, ngakumbi abafazi. bengenamdla kubasetyhini kodwa kwakhona ukuba "bafumana amanqaku" kunye nabo, oko kukuthi, bayaphumelela ekufumaneni umfazi ukuba alale nabo.
Ndiyifumana le ngqondo ikhohlakele, iyabanda, kwaye inezothe. Ndinomdla wokwazi ukuba uMichael Albert uzimisele ukufunda eli nqaku lingasentla kwaye andinike ukuthatha kwakhe kulo. Ngaba uya kusebenzisa ukugxeka kwakhe ukhuphiswano lwengqondo ye-capitalism yemarike, ebonakaliswa yintetho ethi "i-nice-guys-finish-last" kwihlabathi lokuthandana? Ndinomdla wokwazi ukuba ucinga ntoni uAlbert ngabasetyhini abangatsalwanga ngabafana abanobubele kuba "bayadika" kwaye "banokuxelwa kwangaphambili" okanye bajongwa "babuthathaka" kwaye "banomoya". Xa ndicinga ngale nto, ndiyazibuza ukuba eli nqaku liza kuba "nokhuphiswano lwentengiso" lubhalwe kuyo yonke indawo. Abafana "abalungileyo" kufuneka bayeke ngenxa yokuba abaxatyiswanga kwaye abanakukhuphisana ne-cocky kunye nabafana abanekratshi- konke malunga namandla okuthengisa kunye nokhuphiswano. Ngaba uAlbert uya kuvumelana noku?
Ngokomntu, ndiyazibuza malunga nobudlelwane uAlbert anabo kunye neqabane lakhe uLydia Sargent? Ndiyazibuza ukuba uSargent angathini ngale nto? Ndiyazibuza ukuba yintoni eyenza ubudlelwane babo busebenze. UAlbert akandibethi njengeqhude Umgqobho wempundu uhlobo lomfo kwaye ngokucacileyo uyadelela, njengoko ndenzayo, "ingqondo entle-abafana-yokugqibela" yokhuphiswano lwemarike. Omnye umbuzo endinawo ngulo: buza kuba njani ubudlelwane phakathi kwesini kwi "Participatory society"? Luya kuba njani uthando kolu hlobo lwentlalo? Ngaba amadoda kuya kufuneka akhuphisane ngothando lwamabhinqa? Mhlawumbi akunjalo kodwa andazi. Ndicinga ukuba into ekufuneka uyenzile kukufunda I-Utopia yokwenyani or Ithiyori yokukhulula ukufumanisa.
Ndinesivumo sovuma apha: Bendisoloko ndingumntu onobubele. Ndiyakuthanda ukuba ngumntu onobubele. Ndikwabizwa ngokuba ngu "wimp" kunye "nosisi" ubomi bam bonke. Kukho ixesha apho ndafikelela kwisigqibo sokuba ndandingengomntu โosukelayoโ xa kufikwa kubafazi. Ndaziva ndikhululekile kodwa nam ndaziva lihlazo. Ingathi ndandingeyondoda ncam kuba ndandingeyontlobo yeqhude eyayilalelwa ngabafazi. Ingxaki kukuba ndandisele Nya niseka nam. Andikuthandi ukugwetywa njengo "wimp" kunye "nosisi". Ndiyakugxeka oko ndikuthatha njengezenzo ubugwala, ingakumbi xa umntu engazimeli imilinganiselo kabani yaye mhlawumbi ndinetyala ngaloo nto ukusa kumlinganiselo othile endizisola ngawo. Kodwa kutheni ububele bunyeliswa njengobugxwayiba kwaye kutheni uburhalarhume buphakanyiswa kwaye buzukiswe njengobunjalo? Melele?
Andiyithandi into yokuba abantu bagwetywe ngoo โwimpsโ kunye โnoosisiโ. Andiyithandi ukuba ingqondo "yegorha" izukiswe kwaye ixatyiswe. Zange ndive ukuba kufanelekile ukugwetywa ngolu hlobo. Andizange ndikuthande ukulwa, ndizama ukubonisa ukuba ndingubani ku fanele kwihlabathi lokhuphiswano. Ndiyawuthanda umbono wokunyamekela kunye nokonga abo bathathwa ngokuba "babuthathaka" phakathi kwethu, ngoko baziva bethandwa kwaye bexatyiswa. Mna ngokwam, andiyithandi into yokukhuphisana namanye amadoda ngenxa yothando lwamabhinqa. Andiqinisekanga ukuba ndenze ntoni malunga nengxaki "yokubambelela" okanye "yokufuna". Ngokunyanisekileyo andinako ukumelana nowasetyhini odlala โkunzima ukufumanaโ okanye umfazi ofuna ndikhuphisane ngothando lwakhe. Nditsalwa kuphela ngumfazi ondithandayo kuba ecinga ukuba ndisweet kwaye uyandithanda ngenxa yoko.
Emva phaya ngemihla yam yoBuvangeli, ndakha ndafunda inqaku lecebiso kwiphephancwadi likadade wethu okwishumi elivisayo UBrio. Eli phephancwadi liveliswa yintlangano yamaKristu ekholelwa kubufundamentali Gxila kusapho. Intombazana ekwishumi elivisayo engumKristu evela
Xa ndiyifunda le nto, ndandifuna ukugona le ntombazana. Ndazisola ngokungahlali
Eli nqaku liye landichukumisa kakhulu (nangona ndifumanisa ukuba uSusie Shellenberger uyoyikeka; ndamfumanisa ekhohlakele kakhulu kwaye esisidenge kwanasemva phayaa kwimihla yam yobuKristu kwaye wayenemilinganiselo endiyifumanisa ilizothe, efana neyobuKrestu. njengoko injalo yomntu indima yokuba ngumlandeli). Ndaqhubeka ndizibuza ngalentombi ukuba akho amanye amantombazana afana nayo? Kodwa yintoni eyayimenza ahluke kangaka? Kwakutheni ukuze yena thanda Umfana owayemnandi kanti kwinkcubeko yethu yanamhlanje, ububele bugwetywa njengobu-wimpy? Kwenzeka njani ukuba ibhinqa elithile libonakale liphuma kwi-spell yokusoloko libona i-cocky asshole njengento exabisekileyo kwaye ekhangayo kunye nomfana onobubele njenge-wimpy okanye ukuba abazange babanjwe phantsi kopelo kwasekuqaleni?
Ndibona ukuba ayingomntu wokuqala ukuthanda inkwenkwe kuba imnandi kwaye ayifuni mfana ukuba abe liqhude, eliphumayo, kwaye emangazayo ukumfumana enomtsalane. Ndiyathemba esihogweni ukuba ayinguye gqibela umntu ukwenza njalo. Kodwa amabhinqa anjengala aphuma njani kubumba okanye axhathise kwasekuqaleni ukubunjwa?
Ndiye ndaqaphela ukuba ndiye ndaba nobuhlobo ngakumbi nabantu kule minyaka idlulileyo. Andisenantloni njengokuba ndandinjalo ngaphambili yaye ndiye ndafunda ukuba nobubele. Kodwa ndisakuthanda ukuba nobubele kwaye ndivakalelwa kukuba ububele abujongelwa phantsi. Ngoxa ububele bujongelwa phantsi yaye bunyeliswa eluntwini njengobubuthathaka nobungcathu, ububele bukhuthaza umanyano phakathi kwabantu. Ububele sisidima. Ububele luhlobo lweempawu zobuntu ezifanele ukuba, njengoko isithandi sobulumko u-Immanuel Kant watshoyo, yinxalenye "yemfuneko yodidi". Ndikholelwa ukuba abafazi bafanele baxabise ububele kwaye batsaleleke kumadoda anobubele. Mhlawumbi ingxaki "yokubambelela" kunye "nokuphelelwa ithemba" yinto enokusetyenzwa kuyo. Kodwa andiwuthandi uluvo lwexabiso kunye namandla okuxoxisana athetha ngawo uMasini ngasentla kwinqaku lakhe.
Andingomsukeli xa kuthethwa ngabafazi. Andikuthandi ukusukela umfazi okanye ukukhuphisana namanye amadoda ngenjongo yokuphumelela uthando lwakhe. Kum, ingcamango yokukhuphisana namanye amadoda ngebhinqa, nokumbonisa ukuba ndicinga ukuba ndimfanele, kum ifana kakhulu nengcamango yokuwongwa ngegalelo likabani emarikeni. Enyanisweni, ndicinga ukuba umzekeliso onomdla unokwenziwa. Kum kubonakala ngathi abantu basetyhini abatsaleleke kumfana oliqhude, elihlekisayo, nelichwayitisayo, babonakala becinga ukuba abafana โabalungileyoโ abazixabisi kuba ukuba bebezixabisile, bebeya kuzithemba ngakumbi. akhuphisane namanye amadoda, ebonisa ukuba acinga ukuba afanelekele ukuthandwa libhinqa yaye afanelwe kuvuzwa ngothando lwakhe.
Kwangokunjalo, ubungxowankulu buvuza abantu ngokwegalelo lomsebenzi wabo kunye nempahla yabo. Oku kukhuthaza "ukhuphiswano lwentengiso" phakathi kwabantu njengoko abo bacinga ukuba bafaka igalelo elingakumbi ngokwemisebenzi yabo, kufuneka bavune ngakumbi ngokwemivuzo. Kwimeko yothando, umvuzo "womnikelo wabasebenzi kunye / okanye impahla" ufumana intombazana. Okukhona ukhuphisana namanye amadoda, kokukhona uzibonisa njengomntu oxabisekileyo nofanelwe yimvukelo yothando. Ndiyazibuza ukuba bekunokwenzeka ntoni ukuba u-April Mansini ebenokuncokola ngothando, ubungxowankulu, kunye neParecon noMichael Albert, uLydia Sargent, okanye UBarbara Ehrenreich. Wayeza kugqiba ngelithini? UAlbert, uSargent, uEhrenreich okanye abanye babeza kuphetha ngantoni ngeMansini?
Ndifuna ukubuza into apha: yintoni do abafazi abanjengoSargent kunye no-Ehrenreich bacinga malunga "nabafana abalungileyo bagqibe okokugqibela" ukuphawula? Baza kucinga ntoni ngenqaku endilidibanise nalo ngasentla? Ndithathe isigqibo sokuba xa ndikwazi ukuyithenga, ndiza kuthenga ikopi yayo I-Utopia yokwenyani kwaye mhlawumbi ufunde ikopi ye Ithiyori yokukhulula njengokuba. Ndifuna ukwazi ukuba ubudlelwane besini, uthando, kunye nokwabelana ngesondo kuya kuba njani kuluntu oluthatha inxaxheba. Ngokuphathelele abo bacinga ngayo ngokwahlukileyo kuluntu oluthatha inxaxheba kunokuba benzayo ngoku, baye bafikelela njani kwisigqibo sokuba fanele ukwahluka? Zeziphi iingxaki ezavelayo kwaye zeza njani kwingqalelo yaba bacinga nababhali abagqiba kwelokuba kufanele kwahluka? Ndinomdla malunga nento: intombazana endiyikhankanyileyo ngasentla, evela kuyo
Kubafazi abathanda abafana abanesimo esimnandi njengam, bacinga ntoni ngeParecon, "uluntu oluthatha inxaxheba", kunye nokugxekwa kobungxowankulu ngabantu abafana noMichael Albert kunye noRobin Hahnel? Ndinomdla wokwazi ukuba bacinga ntoni kwaye ngoba? Ngeliphandle, iyandothusa into yokuba le ntombazana yaseJeanette, ePennsylvania ithande umfana onesimo esimnandi kwaye oneentloni, ngakumbi kuba kwizangqa zamaKristu ezifundamentalisti. Gxila kusapho iyanceda, "Ingqondo yokulwa" iyazukiswa kwaye ububele, ubulali, kunye nokuthamba kujongelwa phantsi ngokuthi "ubuthathaka" kunye "no-wimpy". Impazamo yokwenyani! Mhlawumbi le ntombazana nokuba yayingubani na, ngelo xesha xa yayikwishumi elivisayo, ngoku ingumxhasi kunye nomlandeli weParecon, kunye nomyeni wakhe onobubele (ecinga ukuba bobabini badibana, bathandana, kwaye batshatile).
Ndicinga ukuba umbuzo olandelayo ngulo: kufuneka kwenziwe ntoni?
Matthew
I-ZNetwork ixhaswa ngemali kuphela ngesisa sabafundi bayo.
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