Kunobva: Scheerpost
Apo Lawrence Bell, nherera inogara muimba yakasiiwa muCamden, New Jersey, akaenda kujeri akanga ane makore 14 okukura. Anga asinga zivi kuverenga uye asinga pfuure makirogiramu makumi mapfumbamwe, akange amanikidzwa nematikitivha matatu eCamden kuti asaine reurura yemhondi uye chibharo chaakasimbirira pakutongwa kwake kwaasina kupara, kunyangwe akabvuma kuti aive mumotokari yemurume akazvuzvurudza. amai vechidiki mumasango mavakabatwa chibharo ndokudzipwa kusvika vafa. Hazvina mutsauko. Kureurura kwakamupomera, kunyange zvazvo pakanga pasina ufakazi hwesayenzi kana kuti zvapupu zvipi nezvipi zvakazvimirira zvaimusungirira kumhaka yacho. Haangakodzeri kuenda pamberi pebhodhi reparole kwemakore makumi mashanu nematanhatu. Yaiva a of facto mutongo weupenyu hwose.
Asi neSvondo, nekuda kwebasa rakaoma raJennifer Sellitti, gweta rinoona nezve kudzidzisa magweta mazana matanhatu ehofisi yePublic Defender, Lawrence akabuda muEast Jersey State Prison mushure mekugara makore makumi matatu nezuva rimwe chete. Sellitti akazvipira makore maviri nehafu kusunungura Lawrence. Akachema mudare panguva yekutongwa kwake kwemutongo musi waZvita 600 na10 gore rapfuura kuCamden, uye akachema zvakare apo mutongi akabvuma kuderedza mutongo waLawrence musi wa12 Kukadzi kuti amusunungure muna Chikumi. Stellitti achashandisa nyaya yaLawrence semucherechedzo muzvidzidzo zvake zvekuramba nyaya dzevadiki dzakatongwa sevakuru.
Lawrence achaedza, asina mari uye mashoma ekubatanidza, kutanga hupenyu hwakavhiringwa neisina mashandiro ekutonga uye jeri system, yakazadzwa zvakanyanya nemamiriyoni 2.3 evarume nevakadzi varombo saLawrence. Kwaiva kukunda kuduku mugungwa rekukundwa.
Lawrence neni takafamba matombo maviri kubva kujeri kuenda ku QuickChek, tsika yevasungwa vakawanda vakasunungurwa kubva kuEast Jersey State Prison. Chitoro chekureruka, chinogona kuonekwa kubva kumahwindo akavharwa, chine chimiro chenhema mujeri, chiratidzo cheavo vakavharirwa mukati mekunze kwenyika.
โNdinonzwa musanganiswa wekufara uye kutya,โ akadaro. "Zvinonzwika kushamisa izvozvi kufamba panze usina mahandcuffs nemaketani."
"Wave nenguva yakadii kubva wabuda panze semunhu akasununguka?" ndakabvunza.
"Makore makumi matatu nezuva rimwe," akadaro. โJune 27, 1990 ndakapinda mujeri ndiine makore 14 okukura. Ndava nemakore 45 okuberekwa. Zvino shamisa. Zvinotyisa. Asi iri pano.โ
Akati akanga amuka na4:00 mangwanani kuti amirire pedyo negonhi rechitokisi chake. Akasunungurwa na8:30.
โKunovava,โ akadaro nezvokusunungurwa kwake. โVazhinji vevakomana ava vandakakura navo. Ihama dzangu, hadzisi shamwari dzangu. Kufara kwandichaita kuenda, handifi ndakakanganwa kuti ndiri kusiya vanhu vandinoda uye vandinotarisira. Asi uyu ungori mukana wekubatsira, murume, kudzoka kuzovatora, sezvakangoita munhu wese akandidzokera. Tinofanira kudzokera kwavari, zvakare. Sezvandinotaura, zvinovava, asi mumwe munhu anofanira kuenda pane imwe nguva kuti atange kuunza vamwe vanhu kumba. Uye ndiyo nzira yandinoedza nayo kuti ndirambe ndakaisa pfungwa dzangu, ndizvichengetedze kuti ndisave nemhosva yeakapona. "
"Chinhu chakanyanya kuoma pakubuda kunze hazvizivikanwe, ndisingazive zvandichatarisana nazvo, ndisingazive zvichavepo, chii chinenge chisipo, ndiani achange aripo, kunyanya kwandiri kuuya ndiri mudiki, semwana. mwana,โ akadaro. โAya ndiwo matanho angu ekutanga munyika yakasununguka semurume akura. Handizivi kubhadhara mari. Handizive kuti ndovhura sei bank account. Handizivi kuti ndotsvaga sei inishuwarenzi. Kune zvinhu zvakawanda kwazvo zvandisingazivi, uye ndinofunga kuti zvichida ndicho chinhu chinotyisa kwandiri, kuedza kufunga kuti ndingavapo sei somunhu mukuru munyika yakasununguka pashure pamakore 30.โ
"Pawaifunga nezvekubuda pane chinhu chimwe chete chawaida kuita here?" ndakabvunza.
โSezvo izvi zvinonzwika sokupenga, ndinoda kuchovha bhasikoro ndoenda kunoshambira,โ akadaro. โHandizivi kuti sei. Ndinofunga kuti kungave kuri kuratidza kuti ndakapfigirwa ndiri mwana. Ndinofunga nezvezvinhu zvandakasiya kuita ndichiri mwana. Ndinotarisirawo kumuka mangwanani iwayo ekutanga ndogara panze uye ndichizviwanira kapu yekofi pamatanho, ndakanyarara, ndichinakidzwa nerusununguko. "
Lawrence akabva apinda muQuickChek akabata dzimwe shamwari dzemari dzaainge amutambidza achibva abuda akatakura maruva emugweta wake.
Mhirizhonga yemapurisa mumigwagwa yemumaguta eAmerica ine hutsinye uye inouraya, asi yainofambidzana nayo inzira yedu huru yemajeri umo varombo vanoiswa mumakeji nematare anomanikidza makumi mapfumbamwe nemana kubva muzana kutora zvibvumirano kwete kutongwa kwematare edzimhosva. Varombo vanopfigirwa mujeri kwemakumi emakore pamusana pemhosva dzavasina kupara kana kuti nemitongo yemhosva dzavakapara dzakareba nekana kana kashanu pane dzimwe nyika dzakabudirira. Tine zvikamu makumi maviri nezvishanu kubva muzana zvevanhu vari mumajeri pasi rose asi 94 muzana yevagari vepasi rose. Hafu yevari mujeri redu havana kumbopomerwa mhosva yekukuvadza mumwe munhu.
Varombo havawanzowana vamiriri vemutemo vakakwana uye kana vambovharirwa kazhinji vanovimba nevakuru vezvemitemo vakazvidzidzisa kuti vavabatsire kukwidza nyaya dzisina tariro, kunyange hazvo mitongo yakawanda ichiuya nechisungo chekuti hapangave nekukwidzwa. Kuhaya gweta rekunze kuti rikwire nyaya inodhura inosvika zviuru zana zvemadhora, mari yavasingakwanise kuwana ivo nemhuri dzavo.
Majeri, pamwe chete nemapurisa, ndiwo mapatya ekudzora magariro evanhu. Ivo vanoshandiswa nevakuru vanotonga kuchengetedza avo vakaraswa ne deindustrialization uye austerity vanotya, kutyisidzira uye kusarerekera. Bvisa hutongi hwekutyisa nemapurisa uye zvisungo zvemajeri makuru epasi rose uye vanotonga vepamusoro vanomira vakashama pamberi pedu. Uye ichi ndicho chikonzero maoligarchs anotonga, kunyangwe achitivhenekera nezvipikirwa zvekuvandudza, haana chinangwa chekunetesa masangano maviri emisimboti anochengeta avo vavakatengesa muuranda uye ivo pachavo musimba.
Lawrence, wandakadzidzisa muchirongwa cheBA muNew Jersey prison system inotungamirwa neRutgers University uye ane 4.0 GPA, haana kumbowana mukana. Aigara pamakero 14 akasiyana, chiitiko chinowanzoitika kune varombo vanodzingwa kakawanda mumisha yavo uye kazhinji vanotambura nekushungurudzika kwakafanana kwepemigration kwandakaona pakati pevapoteri uye vakadzingwa munzvimbo dzehondo. (Perimigration ndicho chikamu chiri pakati pekutamiswa kwekutanga uye kugariswa patsva.)
Kufanana nevana nherera vakatambudzwa nehondo, Lawrence akatsungirira urombo hwakanyanya, kusagadzikana kusingaperi, kushungurudzwa uye kufa kwevabereki vake. Aigara achitya, kunyangwe kutya, mukati memhirizhonga yemumugwagwa - Camden per capita yaiwanzoverengerwa seguta rine njodzi zvakanyanya muAmerica - akabhinywa nevatengesi vezvinodhaka, akanyimwa zvaaida zvakanyanya, uye akarambwa nekudzingwa neruzhinji. Akanga asina mari yakakwana kana zvokudya zvakakwana.
Lawrence nekutya uye ari ega mukamuri yekubvunzurudzwa kwemapurisa ekuCamden, akavimbiswa kakawanda nematikitivha kuti vaida kumubatsira, kuti kana akasaina mapepa aigona kuenda kumba, makore gumi aizobva atorerwa mutongo wake. Akanga asina mhuri yokumureverera kana kuti mumiririri wepamutemo. Baba vake vakanga vafa aine makore anenge maviri. Amai vake, vakanga vamurera nehanzvadzi yake, vakanga vafa muna June 10 paaiva nemakore mapfumbamwe. Kuedza kwake kusiririsa pakutongwa kwake kwekuramba kureurura, kusimbirira kuti haana kupara mhosva uye kusanzwisisa zvaive mukureurura kana mhedzisiro yacho, zvakasendekwa parutivi neMutongi Isaiah Steinberg.
Akapomerwa mhosva yekuponda, kushungurudza pabonde, kupamba, uye mhosva dzine chekuita nekubatwa chibharo nekuponda muna 1990. Steinberg, paakazivisa mutongo woupenyu hwose pamwe chete nemakore 50 nemakore 55 aizopiwa pasina kuregererwa, akadana Lawrence mudare redzimu kuti โmbwende inozvidzwa.โ Lawrence aive nemakore gumi nemana panguva yekupara mhosva. Akanga ane makore 14 apo dare rakamuudza kuti akanga ari munhu mukuru. Aiva nemakore 15 paaitongwa. Aizova nemakore 16 asati aona bhodhi reparole.
[Mutongi] Steinberg, apo akazivisa mutongo woupenyu hwose pamwe chete namakore 50 namakore 55 okubatira pasina kuregererwa, akadana Lawrence mukamuri redare nenzira yokunyomba kuti โmbwende inozvidzwa.โ
Lawrence, wandakadzidzisa mumakirasi akati wandei, aive mumwe wevadzidzi vangu vakazvipira uye vane zvipo. Kana ndikataura nezvebhuku rakanga risingadiwi kurava, iye akaita nhamburiko huru kuti ariwane ndokurirava. Pakupera kwekosi yenhoroondo yandakadzidzisa inonzi Conquest โ tinoverenga Vhura Veins yeLatin America: Makore Mazana mashanu eKupambwa kweKondinendi, Vige Mwoyo Wangu paWakuvadzwa Knee: Nhoroondo yeIndia yeAmerican West, uye The Black Jacobins: Toussaint L'Ouverture uye San Domingo Revolution - Lawrence akamira kusvika mukirasi musisina munhu. Akandiudza kuti, โNdinoziva kuti ndichafira mujeri iri, asi ndinoshanda nesimba sezvandinoita kuti rimwe zuva ndigova mudzidzisi sewe.โ
Upenyu hwaLawrence hwakanga huri hurombo hwechitima hwekushungurudzwa nekuregeredzwa, hunotsanangura hupenyu hwevazhinji vevadzidzi vangu. Akarohwa zvakaipisisa nemukomana waamai vake Reggie. Matambudziko anosiririsa evarombo haatombooneki nevemakambani anobudisa nhau anoenderana nezvido zvevanoshambadzira uye akapindwa muropa nezvinokwidzwa. Ichi ndicho chikonzero varatidziri munharaunda dzevarombo vanorwisa vashandi vekhamera. Ndosaka mapoka evanhu akarasa muzinda weCNN muAtlanta. Varombo vanoziva kuti vatori venhau ava vanongoonekwa vachiita bhaisikopo kana kunyora nezvekupamba, moto uye mhirizhonga, vasingambofumuri kana kutsanangura kudonhedza kwenguva refu kwekuregeredzwa, urombo, kutya kwemapurisa, kusungwa kwevanhu vakawanda uye kunyadziswa kunoita kuti kuputika kunzwisisika.
โNdangariro yangu yapakuvamba ndeyokudzoka kumba ndichibva kukireshi,โ akadaro Lawrence. โIni naamai vangu taiona mapurogiramu epaTV pamwe chete masikati. Musi uyu ndakapinda pamusiwo ndokuona mhamha vakagara pasofa naReggie vakabata pfuti mumusoro. Uye akati nenzwi rakadzikama, 'Enda kumusoro.' Uye saka, ndakadaro. Pane chinhu chisina kumira zvakanaka, asi handina kunzwisisa kuti chii chaiitika. Pazera iroro, unotenda amai vako, saka ndafunga kuti zvinhu zvose zvinofanira kunge zvakanaka.โ
"Ndaive nenguruve mbiri dzandaizochengeta, uye dzinogona kusvibiswa uye dzinoita, munoziva, kuita bongozozo kwese kwese," akadaro. โRimwe zuva, Reggie akanditi ndivachenese, uye ndakati, โEhe, zvakanaka,โ asi handina kuchenesa pakarepo. Saka, gare gare, pasina chaakataura, akakwidza imbwa yake pauriri hwechipiri kwaichengeterwa guinea pigs. Akaregedzera imbwa yake kuseri kwegedhi kumusoro kwemanera imbwa ichibva yapinda ndokudya mbira. Aizoita zvinhu zvakadaro. Kusiririsa chete. Imwe nguva, takanga tine imbwa duku dzakaita semapoodles dzakanga dziri kunze kweusiku humwe - uye iyi yaiva nguva yechando - uye akatora mvura ndokuikanda pamusoro padzo ndokuvhara gonhi nadzo dzichiri panze. Vakaoma nechando kusvika vafa.โ
"Zvakanga zvakafanana nekufamba pamusoro pematehwe emazai nguva dzose. Munhu wese aitofanira kunyarara pese paaive pamba. Amai vangu vaiedza kutiita kuti tose tinyarare nokutiita kuti titambe mitambo yebhodhi kana kuti tiite zvimwe zvinhu zvakanyarara. Gonhi raive rakakiiwa nemukati nekunze zvekuti waitoda kiyi yekubuda mumba. Uye hatina kukwanisa kupinda mukamuri yepasi kana muimba yavo yokurara. Vakanga vari kunze kwemiganhu. Handifungi kuti ndakaona mumba maamai vangu naReggie kusvika ndave nemakore manomwe kana masere. Ndichiri kuyeuka ndichinzwa vanhu vachirwa muimba yepamusoro. Sekuti wainzwa zvinhu zvichikandwa nekutyoka kana sekuti mai vangu vari kukandwa. Zvino, mushure memaminetsi mashoma, paingova nerunyararo. Aiburuka sepasina chaitika oenda. Taibva taenda kunotsvaga amai vangu vobva vazvimba kumeso nemavanga, vachiisa chando pachiso chavo pamberi pegirazi. Uye ndinorangarira ndichida kukura kuti ndimurove. Ndaida kumuurayira mhamha. Chainyanya kurwadza ndechekuti nyangwe iye asipo, taingoita sezvaaiva. Nemhaka yokuti aityaira rori rokubasa, hatina kuziva kuti aizouya rini, saka taigara tichiita seari kumba.โ
Mukoma waLawrence, Gary, aiva nemakore anenge 20. Akanga achipinda nokubuda mujeri. Aive "gamba remunhu wese nekuti aimukira Reggie." Lawrence paakanga ava nemakore manomwe kana masere vana chete vakanga vasara mumba vaiva hanzvadzi yake, iyo Reggie akashinha nevatano, uye iye pachake. Hanzvadzi yake yakambosvetuka kubva pafafitera remba yemba ichiedza kutiza Reggie ndokutyoka zviziso zvemakumbo. Hasha nechisimba chaReggie chakawedzera. Mai vake vakamboda kuenda asi Reggie aizotora Lawrence kana hanzvadzi yake kusvika mai vake vadzoka. Reggie akambotora Lawrence paaiva nemakore anenge manomwe kana masere kuenda kufurati yemumwe munhu waasingazivi mushure mokumutora kubva kuchikoro. Reggie akafonera mai vake akati aizopa Lawrence mapiritsi,akazoudza Lawrence kuti zvihwitsi. Mai vake vakadeedzera parunhare kuti asamedze mapiritsi. Akabvuma kudzoka kuna Reggie kana aizomudzorera mwana wake kwaari.
Reggie akafonera mai vake akati aizopa Lawrence mapiritsi,akazoudza Lawrence kuti zvihwitsi. Mai vake vakadeedzera parunhare kuti asamedze mapiritsi. Akabvuma kudzoka kuna Reggie kana aizomudzorera mwana wake kwaari.
โKwenguva refu, ndakamutsamwira nokuda kwokusaenda,โ akadaro. โIni ndakamupomera kuti akatibvumira kushungurudzwa naye. Asi gare gare, sezvandaifunga zvikuru pamusoro pazvo, ndakaona kuti aisagona sei kuenda. Ndakadzidza nezveBattered Woman Syndrome uye mabatirwo anogona kuitwa vanhu, uye ndinoziva kuti ndizvo zvakaitika kwaari. Pashure pokunge ndamutsamwira kwemakore, ndakakwanisa kurega kumupomera. Ndakamuregerera. Uye ndaifanirawo kuzviregerera nekumbomupomera mhosva. "
Pana June 22, 1985 amai vake vakadonha vari mukicheni.
"Takafonera 9-1-1," akadaro. โNdakamubata musoro pamakumbo angu takamirira kuti ambulance iuye. Raive ropa rakagwamba mumapapu ake, pulmonary embolism. Akanga afa pasi, asi ndinofunga kuti vakamutsiridza kuchipatara. Akabva afira patafura yokuvhiyiwa, kana ndikayeuka zvakanaka.โ
Reggie akauya kumba husiku ihwohwo achibva kuchipatara.
โAmai vako vakafa, uye handidi kunzwa chimwe chinhu pamusoro pako,โ akaudza vana vacho.
โAkatirambidza kuchema nezvazvo,โ akadaro Lawrence. โNdinoyeuka rwiyo chairwo rwairidzwa paakatiudza kuti akafa. Ini nasisi vangu takangogara muimba yekutandarira kwenguva yakareba. Mwedzi yakati afa, hapana wandakataura naye. Dzimwe nguva ndaizevezera hanzvadzi yangu, asi ndakambomira kutaura nevamwe vanhu. Asati afa handina kuputa sora. Asati afa, ndaiva mudzidzi akanaka. Ndakazotanga kupinda munyatwa ndiri kuchikoro. Ndakapinda muhondo yangu yokutanga gore iroro kuchikoro, kurwa kwangu kwokutanga. Mumwe mwana akataura chimwe chinhu nezvaamai vangu, mamwe majee pamusoro pavo kuva benzi. Ndakatora chair ndokumurova nayo. Ndofunga makanga muine hasha mukati mangu dzainge dzisipo kare. Hapana mupi wezano wechikoro kana mumwe munhuwo zvake akataura neni. Ini ndiri mucherechedzo wekutadza kwehurongwa. Kana iwe uchida kutaura nezvekuti masisitimu anotadza sei, chingotarisa hupenyu hwangu. Hapana anowanikwa kuti akubatsire mumamiriro ezvinhu akadaro. Handimboyeuke mapurisa aiuya pamba apa kunze kwepamwe chete pakaunzwa hama dzangu pamba vachitamba chihure. Naizvozvo, pashure pokunge mapurisa aenda, tose takatarira sezvavairohwa. Asi hapana akambopindira.โ
โHapana mupi wezano wechikoro kana mumwe munhu akataura neni. Ini ndiri mucherechedzo wekutadza kwehurongwa. Kana iwe uchida kutaura nezvekuti masisitimu anotadza sei, chingotarisa hupenyu hwangu. Hapana anowanikwa kuti akubatsire mumamiriro ezvinhu akadaro."
Rufu rwaamai vaLawrence rwakabata zvikuru mukoma wake Troy uyo akanga ari manic-depressive uye chidhakwa. Troy, pashure porufu rwaamai vake, akaedza kuzviuraya kupfurikidza nokucheka ruoko rwake kubva paruoko rwake kupotsa kusvika pagokora rake nebanga rokuvhima.
โNdakanga ndakagara pavheranda nehanzvadzi yangu Troy paakafona kamwe chete,โ akadaro Lawrence. โAichema uye akadhakwa. Akamuudza kuti aizozviuraya. Saka, ndakapinda mumotokari yangu, ndakanga ndichityaira kubva ndiine makore gumi nemaviri, ndokutyaira ndichienda kumakuva kwakavigwa amai vangu. Akanga agere paguva rake. Akanga akadhakwa uye achichema achiti aida kufa. Ndakaenda kunotaura naye. Uye handina chokwadi kana yaive nguva yekujekesa kana chinguva chekugamuchirwa, asi ndakadzokera kumota yangu ndokutora pfuti yangu. Ndakapakura ndokumutambidza ndokuti, 'Hezvo. Kana uchida kufa, isa mumuromo mako. Hauzopotsa.' Akanditarisa kwechinguva achibva asimuka ndokuenda kumota yangu ndokupinda."
Troy akazoedza kuzviuraya nekuzvibaya nebanga mudumbu. Troy akashanyira Lawrence mujeri kanoverengeka.
"Akafa makore mashoma apfuura kubva kumatambudziko emwoyo, tibhii, kudhakwa - unosarudza chikonzero," akadaro Lawrence.
Mushure memwedzi mitanhatu mai vake vashaya Reggie akasungwa ndokuendeswa kujeri. Lawrence akanogara nemumwe mukadzi wechikuru, shamwari yaamai vake yaigara mhiri kwemugwagwa waaiti Mbuya. Asi akakurumidza kuenda kuNew York City ndokupfuudza Lawrence mukuchengetwa nemwanasikana wake Debbie, uyo akanga ane bipolar uye airova.
"Debbie aive akafanana nemuchengeti wangu, kana uchimudaidza kudaro, asi anga asiri muchengeti wangu zviri pamutemo," akadaro. "Iyoyo inyaya mune yangu - kusvika nhasi, nyika yeNew Jersey haizive kuti muchengeti wangu ari pamutemo aive ani mushure mekufa kwaamai vangu. Debbie akanga asina mhosva yapamutemo nokuda kwangu, naizvozvo haana kukwanisa kupa mapurisa mvumo yokundibvunzurudza sezvavaitaura. Ndakasara naDebbie nekuti ndofunga mbuya vaifunga kuti zvakanaka kuti Debbie ave nebasa rekundichengeta. Akafunga kuti zvaizoita kuti adzikame uye awedzere kugadzikana.โ
โDzimwe nguva kubatwa zvisina kufanira kwaReggie kwakanga kuri mumuviri asi zvikurukuru mupfungwa, asi Debbie kwaingova bedzi kwomuviri,โ akadaro. โZvaizosvika padanho rekuti kurova kwekutanga. Pandaidzoka kubva kuchikoro, aiti, 'Ndinoziva kuti pane zvawaita,' obva andirova. Uye akanga achiputa nekutengesa sora. Pamba paya pandaimbogarapo paive nemapurisa kakawanda. Akaita kuti ndimutengesere sora. Aiti kana ndichida manyatera matsva ndaitofanira kuawana. Ndaiona vamwe vakomana vandaiziva vachitengesa zvinodhaka vachiwana mari. Rimwe zuva Debbie akandibvunza kuti shamwari dzangu dzaiwanepi mari, ndikati zvinodhaka. Akati, 'Zvakanaka, sei usingaendi ikoko navo?' Saka, ndakatanga kumutengesera. Ndaizotengesa mabhegi edime. Pasuru imwe yaive mabhegi 35, saka ndaizopa $300 kuna Debbie ndochengeta $50 yangu. Icho chaiva chigadziro chetsika panguva iyoyo. Pashure paizvozvo, ndaigara ndiine mari. Ndakachengeta zvakawanda zvandakagadzira. Ndaive mwana werudzi aingochengeta kana $20 mubhutsu yangu nguva dzese. Ndaitora mari yangu, ndoenda kunotenga sora, ndorirongedza mumasaga, ndozvitengesa. Ndakanga ndichiwedzera kudaro. Ndiko kwakava kuguma kwekuvimba naye."
Akanga achine kiyi yeimba yake yekare muna 25th Street, kunyange zvazvo yakanga yakasiiwa. Akatanga kurara imomo husiku. Akatakura pfuti, .32 inokosha, achitya kubirwa.
โNdisati ndarara, ndaiwaridza rukangara pavheranda kuti ndinzwe kana paine aiuya pamba usiku,โ akadaro. โNdaigona kutengesa zvinodhaka uye kuzviriritira pasina iye. Sisi vangu vainge vachiripo. Aiita nharo neni achindiudza kuti ndaifanira kurega kutengesa, asi panguva imwe cheteyo, akanga achibvuma kubatsirwa neni. Akanga ava nevana vadiki panguva ino uye akanga achinetseka nemari. Saka, kunyange zvazvo akanga asingadi kuti nditengese zvinodhaka, aida maPampers evana vake uye akabvuma mari yangu.โ
Akaita mumwe musikana pamuviri aine makore gumi nematatu. Akabvisa pamuviri.
โZvakaita sokumwe kurasikirwa,โ akadaro. โHandina kumbobvira ndafunga zvekuzviuraya kana kuti kuda kufa saTroy, asi ndichati ndakaita chiveve. Ndakanga ndisina basa nekurarama. Humwe husikuโฆ ndakanga ndakagara pavharanda rangu ndichiputa sora uye ndichinwa mapiritsi emarwadzo. Ndainwawo hwahwa. Ndaive ndapihwa tsamba yemapiritsi nekuti ndakarohwa nemota ndikatyoka mabvi ese. Ndakarohwawo nemusoro netsaona yemota. Ndaive ndakagara pachair yaive paberandah pangu makumbo akasimudzwa nekuti aive akapfava, uye kunwa mapiritsi aya, asi aive asiri kubatsira. Ndakatora mumwe, uye hapana. Ndakatora mamwe mashoma, ndichiri hapana - hapana rubatsiro nekurwadziwa. Shamwari yangu yakanga ine Xanax, saka akandipa imwe, ndikatora imwe kana maviri. Pasina nguva hanzvadzi yangu yakabva yasvika ndokundiona ndiri pavheranda nemapiritsi. Uye akati, 'Uri kuitei kusanganisa mapiritsi aya nezvose? Uchazviuraya.' Uye mhinduro yangu yaingova, saka? Ndiwo aiva maonero angu paupenyu panguva iyoyo โ ndakanga ndisina basa kana ndikafa.โ
โFungidzira kuti une makore gumi nemana, uchiri mwana, wopinzwa mudare,โ akadaro. โUne vanhu vakuru ava vausati wamboonana navo uye vari kutaura zvausinganzwisise. Unobata mazwi mashoma se 'mhondi' uye 'kubata chibharo,' asi hausati waziva zvavari kutaura nezvazvo. Zvinoitika nekukasira vobva vakutora voenda newe, vodzokera kuimba yevechidiki - nzvimbo yekururamisa. Ndozvazvaive zvakaita. Kunzwa kwese ikoko kwainge kwaita sekusaziva. Next thing I'm in the youth house, ndanga ndichisangana negweta, ndoenda kunoona chiremba wepfungwa kuti aongororwe. Asi handisi kunyatsonzwisisa zviri kuitika. Ndosaka ndisingambodi kuva mumamiriro ezvinhu andisingakwanise kutevedzera zviri kutaurwa nevanhu vakandipoteredza. Chimwe chezvinondiita kuti ndidzidze uye kuve ndakagadzirira chero chinhu, chero hurukuro, kuda kudzivirira izvo kuti zvisazoitika zvakare. "
Akapedza mwedzi 22 ari mujeri asati aenda kunotongwa.
โMutongi akasarudza kundipomera mhosva somunhu mukuru nemhaka youkuru hwemhaka yacho,โ akadaro Lawrence. โAkati ndakaita sendisingadembi. Asi chavasina kufunga nezvacho waiva mugumisiro wokuva mujeri kwandakaita pandiri. Ndakaona vanhu vaviri vachiurawa pandaive. Mukati mokutongwa, pfungwa dzangu dzakanga dzakanangidzirwa zvishoma pane izvozvo, ndichizvichengeta ndimene ndakagadzirira kudzokera mumamiriro ezvinhu iwayo. Vaidudzira izvozvo sekusava nehanya uye kusazvidemba. Chinhu chimwe chete chakataurwa nemutongi chakaramba chiri pandiri. Akanditi 'handiregererwi.' Ndanga ndichishanda nesimba uye ndichishanda pachangu nguva yose iyi kuti ndimuratidze kuti haana kururama. Ndinoda kuti akwanise kunditarira uye abvume kuti akanga asina kururama pamusoro pa[ikoko]. Kana ndaizomuona zvakare, ndaimuudza kuti, โWakanga wakanganisa nezvangu. Asi zvakanaka, zvakanaka chero vamwe vana โ vacheche โ vasingazopedze kuvharirwa sezvandakaitwa.โโ
โMutongi akasarudza kundipomera mhosva semunhu mukuru nekuda kwekuipa kwemhosva yacho. Akadaro ndakaita sendisingadembi. Asi chavasina kufunga nezvacho waiva mugumisiro wokuva mujeri kwandakaita pandiri. Ndakaona vanhu vaviri vachiurawa pandaive. Mukati mokutongwa, pfungwa dzangu dzakanga dzakanangidzirwa zvishoma pane izvozvo, ndichizvichengeta ndimene ndakagadzirira kudzokera mumamiriro ezvinhu iwayo. Vakadudzira izvozvo sokusava nehanya uye kusazvidemba.โ
โKutongwa kwapera, vakanditora, vakandibvisa ndokundipfekedza yunifomu yejeri,โ akadaro. โNdipo pazvakazoitika zvechokwadi ndikaziva zvaiitika. Ndakaenda kujeri usiku ihwohwo, asi vanhu vaiva mujeri havana kuda kundibvuma pakutanga. Ndaiva mudiki uye ndairatidzika kuva mudiki. Vaifonera vakuru vavo vachida kunzwa zvekuita neni. Manheru ekutanga ndakaiswa muchitokisi nevamwe vakomana. Uye mumwe wevakomana akanga akanditarisa, akanditarisa zvinosetsa. Ndakatanga kurwisana naye - ndakanzwa sokuti ndaifanira kudaro. Ndakaendwa neni ndikapedzisira ndaiswa muchitokisi chedziviriro. Ibhuroko remunhu wese asingagone kuve muhuwandu hwevanhu. Ndakanga ndiri ndega. Inonzi '23 uye imwe' - maawa makumi maviri nematatu uri wega uye awa imwe kunze kwesero rako zuva rega rega. Ndaiverenga zvidhinha zvose zvaiva muchitokisi changu, mitsetse yose yaiva kumadziro. Ndichiri kuita izvozvo. Ini ndichaverenga ese mafoto mumagazini kana pese panoonekwa izwi kana chirevo mubhuku. Ndakadzidza tsika iyoyo ndiri ndega. Chinhu chakanyanya kuoma, pamwe, kuve wega nepfungwa dzako. Vaiitira hanya kuchengeteka kwangu nokuti ndakanga ndiri mudiki uye mutete. Asi pakanga paine, ndinofunga, vatanhatu vanobata vana pabhuroki iyoyo. Ndaida kubuda. Saka, ndakasaina kuregererwa kuitira kuti ndigobatana neruzhinji.โ
Mukoma waLawrence Gary aizivikanwa mukati mevasungwa. Shamwari dzake dzakatarisa Lawrence, uyo akanga ava nemakore 17 uye ari mujeri reGarden State.
โMumwe murume anonzi Salaam, aiita sababa kwandiri, akandichengeta,โ akadaro. โPose pandaipinda mudambudziko kana kuti kurwa, aiuya kuzotaura neni. Reverend Du Bois mumwe munhu akandibatsira zvikuru. Aive mufundisi mukuru paGarden State. Akandiremekedza uye aiva nehanya neni zvechokwadi kunyange zvazvo ndaiva muMuslim, uye aiva muKristu.โ
โPane imwe nguva apo nhengo dzeRopa dzakaedza kutora imba yokunamatira,โ akadaro. โVamwe vakomana, kusanganisira neni, vakapindira vakamirira Reverend Du Bois. Aidiwa chaizvo uye airemekedzwa nemunhu wese. Pakupedzisira, vaRopa vakatsigira. Ndinounza nyaya iyi nekuti havasi maKristu ese vaindigamuchira semuMuslim saMufundisi Du Bois. Makore apfuura, ndakanyorera kuCenturion ministries ndichikumbira rubatsiro panyaya yangu. Vakataura kuti vaida kubatsira asi vakaisa pfungwa dzavo pakubatsira maKristu, kwete maMuslim. Vangadai vakanzwa nenzira yakasiyana pamusoro penhau yangu kudai vakaziva kuti ndaizoisa sei mutsipa wangu pamutsetse kuti ndibetsere vaKristu vakaita saMufundisi Du Bois.โ
โPandaiva muduku, vanhu vakanga vasingandipi mukana,โ akadaro. โHapana akapindira, hapana akaedza kundibatsira kana kundiisa parutivi achiti vanotenda kwandiri. Asi pandakangopinda mujeri, ndakasangana nevanhu vaiva nehanya neni uye vaida chaizvo kundibatsira. Pandakangopihwa mukana ndakabva ndaita sehove kunodiridza. Vadzidzisi vakawanda kwazvo uye makirasi ane tapuro pandiri mumakore apfuura. Vadzidzisi vangu vanga vari varairidzi. Vanomira semienzaniso yezvandinoda kuva uye vanondiratidza zvinogoneka. Zuva nezuva, ndiri kuedza kufambira mberi uye kuva nani zvishoma pane zvandaive nezuro. Ndinogara ndichidzidza, ndichikura. Zvingave kuti nhasi ndinodzidza izwi idzva kana kushanda kuburikidza nepuzzle - chero chinhu chinondinetsa. Chimwe chinhu chiri mandiri chinondisundidzira kuti ndirambe ndichipora. Zvinhu zvangu zvinonyanya kukosha mabhuku angu. Ndine yakanaka, yakaoma editions ye Iyo Iliad, Iyo Odyssey, Iyo Aeneid, nevamwe. Ini ndinoda kuverenga Homer naOvid uye zvekare. Ndakaverenga zvese zvakanyorwa naShakespeare. Ini chaizvo ndine vhoriyamu imwe edition yemabasa aShakespeare. Ndinofarira masonnets ake uye makomedhi zvakanyanya. Bhuku rangu randinofarira pamwe Manchild Munyika Yechipikirwa naClaude Brown. Ndakaiverenga kare kare uye ndichiri kuifarira. Iwe wakaverenga Dante's Vadivelu Comedy Divine Comedy, rudyi? Parizvino, ndiri kunyora bhuku rinotevera hupenyu hwangu serwendo kuburikidza nematanho akasiyana mu Vadivelu Comedy Divine Comedy. Inoona zviitiko zvangu sechikamu cherwendo rwunotungamira mukuzviwanira. Ndinoyeuka ndichifunga pandakatanga kuverenga Vadivelu Comedy Divine Comedy kuti pfungwa yake yePurigatori imhando yezvaunonzwa kunge ari mujeri.
Lawrence angadai asina kubuda muEast Jersey State Prison neSvondo pasina Sellitti.
"Pandakatanga segweta, mukuru wangu muWooster aive mukomana uyu anonzi Mike Hussy, iro gweta rinoshamisa," Sellitti akandiudza. โAenda pamudyandigere izvozvi. Uye ndaienda kudare nguva dzose, uye ndaidzoka kubva kudare, munoziva gweta idzva iri, uye raizoti kwandiri, 'Kuita zvakarurama?' Uye pamazuva andakaita chimwe chinhu chikuru mudare, pandakawana kukunda kukuru kune mutengi, ndakaita senge 'Hongu! Ehe! Ndiri kuita zvakarurama!' Uye pamazuva apo zvinhu zvakakanganisika, ndaizoda, 'Aiwa, hapana kururamisira nhasi.' Uye pakupedzisira, rimwe zuva, ndakatenda kuti mutengi wangu aive asina mhosva, asi akawana dhiri rakanaka uye ainyatsoda kuitora. Ndakanga ndisingadi kuti adaro, asi ndakanzwisisa zvaaiita, uye akazviita. Ndakadzokera kuhofisi uye akabvunza, 'Kuita zvakarurama?' Ndakati, 'Handizivi zvachose.' Akati, 'Ndave ndichikubvunza mubvunzo iwoyo kwemakore maviri, uye pakupedzisira wawana mhinduro yakarurama.' Uye ndizvo zvakaita, mhando yenzira yakanakisa yaunogona kutarisa nayo sisitimu. Hafu yenguva, ndiri senge, handizive."
Vaya vanoziva Lawrence uye vakasunungurwa pamberi pake vakashandisa mavhiki mashoma apfuura kuzadza garaji rangu nezvinhu zvomumba. Takanyorera uye takagamuchira rubatsiro kubva kuLilah Hilliard Fisher foundation yekurenda imba diki muEast Orange, NJ. Mukudonha achapedza degree rake paRutgers. Tichabatanidza pfuma yedu shoma, nokuti hakuna mumwe munhu, kumubatsira kumutsa upenyu hwake. Ndiko kukunda kwatiri. Asi hapana chazvinoita kumisa kurwisa kuri kuramba kwakatitenderedza. Pane chete triage, kuedza, kazhinji nevaya vanonyanya kushungurudzwa nehurongwa, kutora kururamisira kudiki. Ini ndinobatirira mupfungwa kune zvikumbiro zvidiki izvi - basa remudzidzi akasunungurwa, rinovhara rendi yemudzidzi akabuda uye akadzingwa mukaravhani yemuroora wake nekuda kwekutongwa kwake makore makumi matatu apfuura, achitengera komputa yemudzidzi akapedza matric. Rutgers asi akanga asina kana mari. Kukunda uku kunondiita kuti ndirambe ndichienderera mberi, asi hakuna kuita zvishoma kudzikamisa kusava nehanya kwedu kune vanotambura zvakanyanya pakati pedu.
Mukudonha achapedza degree rake paRutgers. Tichabatanidza pfuma yedu shoma, nokuti hakuna mumwe munhu, kumubatsira kumutsa upenyu hwake. Ndiko kukunda kwatiri. Asi hapana chazvinoita kumisa kurwisa kuri kuramba kwakatitenderedza.
Iwe unove wakashata, unorwira kupokana nehuipi hwemonolithic uchiziva kuti chero chaunowana iPyrrhic, iyo system inokura kunyangwe kuedza kwako. Uye zvakadaro, chinokusunga, chinokuchengeta uchienda, ndihwo hukama uhwu. Ungafamba sei? Iwe haugone kuita chinhu sei? Kana ukamira nevakadzvinyirirwa ukakundwa watadza here? Kana kuti munhu anobudirira here nokungoda kuita rwendo irworwo, achivaratidza kuti havana kukanganwika, kwete voga? Uye nepo kusunungurwa kwaLawrence kuri kudiki kana kunopesana nekusarongeka kukuru kwakatitenderedza, hakusi kudiki kwatiri.
Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn mune yekupedzisira vhoriyamu ye Gulag Archipelago, kana angosunungurwa ndokuendeswa kuutapwa hwomukati, anonyora nezvomumwe mudzidzisi wokuSerbia, akanga ari muutapwa, ainzi Georgi Stepanovich Mitrovich. Iyewo, akanga achangobva kusunungurwa kubva mugwara. Mitrovich aisazorega hondo yake yakaoma nevakuru venzvimbo kuitira kururamisira vadzidzi vake.
"Hondo yake yakanga isina tariro zvachose, uye aizviziva," Solzhenitsyn akanyora. โHapana aikwanisa kusunungura skein iyi yakavhiringika. Uye dai akahwina maoko pasi, hapana chaakaita kuvandudza social order, hurongwa. Kwaizova kusiri kunopfuura kupenya kupfupi, kusina kujeka kwetariro munzvimbo imwe nhete, yakakurumidza kumedzwa nemakore. Hapana chingaunze kukunda chingaunza njodzi yekusungwazve - waive mutengo waaigona kubhadhara. " (Nguva yeKhrushchev chete ndiyo yakaponesa Mitrovich).
โHungu, hondo yake yakanga isina tariro, asi kwakanga kuri kwomunhu kutsamwiswa nokusaruramisira, kunyange kupfundo rokuparadza ruparadziko! Kurwira kwake kwaigona kungogumira mukukundwa - asi hapana anogona kuzvidaidza kuti hazvina maturo. Kudai takanga tisina kungwara kudaro, tisina tose tagara tichingogunun'una kuti: 'Hazvibatsiri! Hazvina zvazvinobatsira!' nyika yedu ingadai yakasiyana chaizvo. "
ZNetwork inopihwa mari chete kuburikidza nerupo rwevaverengi vayo.
dhoneta