Charley Earp
Utopian Longings Mupfupi wenhoroondo yehupenyu hwaCharley Nechimwe chikonzero, ndinogara ndichidzokera kugore randakazvarwa, sokunge izvozvo zvinotsanangura chimwe chinhu nezvemunhu mukuru. Gumi nepfumbamwe nemakumi matanhatu nematatu ndiro gore iro Martin Luther King, Jr. akaparidza hurukuro yake yakakurumbira ye "I have a Dream" paMarch paWashington. Kunyange zvazvo ndichiri mucheche, ndakanyura chimwe chinhu chemweya weutopian uyo wakaumba zvakawanda zvesarudzo dzangu dzevakuru. Handina kunyatsonzwa mharidzo iyoyo kusvika ndave nemakore gumi nemaviri, asi yaive imwezve simbiso yemafungiro angu eutopian. โNdakarota kuti rimwe zuva mipata yose ichazadzwa, uye zvikomo zvose nemakomo zvichaderedzwa, nzvimbo dzine mawere dzichaitwa bani, nenzvimbo dzakakombama dzicharuramiswa uye kubwinya kwaJehovha kucharatidzwa. nyama ichazviona pamwe chete" Handina kumbobvira ndatadza kufemerwa nendima dzakaita seuyu. Zvisinei, ndakaona kuti shoko iri handiro dingindira reBhaibheri. Pane zvakawanda zvekusava netariro uye. izvo zvinoratidzika kwandiri, kuva mazano ekudzokera shure mazviri zvakare. Zvinoita kunge hupenyu hwangu hwave hwekufamba kubva kupessimism kuenda kune utopianism. Baba vangu, vaivawo muparidzi, vakanga vari muPentekosta wehero nesarufa. Hapana denga utopian panyika nokuda kwake. Akaparidza achirwisana nevakasununguka, vaiti vakadzi, uye vanoda rugare. Muchidimbu, akaparidza zvinopesana nezvose zvandakava. Uye iyo, sezvavanotaura, inyaya pachayo. Kurega Kuora Mwoyo Ndapedza chikoro chesekondari muna 1981, ndakaenda kukoreji yePentecostal, uye ndipo pandakatanga kufunga kunze kwemaonero asina tariro andakanga ndagara nhaka. Kuzorora kwekutanga kwakauya pamusoro penyaya yedzidziso ingaite sediki kune vanhu vari kunze kwePentekosti ghetto, asi zvakaita mutsauko kwandiri mumamiriro ezvinhu akadaro. Dzidziso yaitaura kuti Jesu aizoโbvutaโ vaKristu vose chaivo kubva panyika, achisiya vanhu vakawanda vatarisana neโKutambudzika kukuruโ. Zvinotyisa zveAmagedhoni, kudengenyeka kwenyika kukuru, matambudziko, uye nyeredzi dzinopisa zvaizonayisira vatadzi kwemakore manomwe. Ndakasvika pakudavira kuti Mwari haasati aizonyima pasi vabatiri vake vakanakisisa mukati menguva ine rima gurusa pasi pano. Ndaitenda kuti vaKristu vaizotarisana naAntikristu voshandiswa naMwari kurwisa simba rezvakaipa. Izvi zvakaita kuti ndive munyengeri uye ndiri munhu ane utsinye. Pashure pezvose, kuva muKristu kwaiva kuponesa mweya, kwete kubatsira vanhu. Ndakanga ndatanga rwendo rurefu rwokuramba ruvengo rwenyika rwakadzika midzi. Handina kudzokera kukoreji kwemamwe makore manomwe. Kutsvaga Rudo neNharaunda Ndisati ndabva kukoreji, ndakakwanisa kuonana uye kudanana nemudzimai wangu, Teresa. Aitaridza kufadzwa ne "radicalism" mukupesana nevazhinji vevamwe vadzidzi nevadzidzisi. Mumwe wevashoma shamwari dzangu dzepachikoro chepamusoro aive shamwari yake yepamoyo uye izvo zvakaita kuti zvive nyore kwaari kuti andigamuchire. Takava shamwari dzakanaka tichishanya nekwaya yepakoreji, uye pakupedzisira rudo rwakabudirira. Takaroorana muna November 1982, uye takavamba kutsvaka chero chimiro chipi nechipi chataigona kuwana pamwe chete. Ndakanga ndichiri kuwana kufuridzirwa muBhaibheri uye panguva ino yakawanikwa muna Mabasa 4:32: โZvino boka rose ravatendi rakanga rine mwoyo mumwe nomweya mumwe, uye kwakanga kusina munhu waiti ndezvake, asi zvinhu zvose zvavaiva nazvo. zvakabatana." Makore mana gare gare, takatamira kuEvanston, IL kuti tive chikamu chenharaunda yechiKristu, Reba Place Fellowship, iyo yakashandisa imwe pfuma. Zvisinei, ndisati ndatama, rudo rwakauya muupenyu hwangu muchimiro charwo chakachena. Mwanasikana wangu Melissa akaberekwa pana October 10, 1985. Baba vangu vakambondiudza kuti havana kumbobvira vanyatsodiwa kusvika kahanzvadzi kangu kazvarwa. Ndava kuziva kuti zvinorevei. Kunyangwe ndagara ndichinzwa sekunge kubereka kwakaoma, ndichiri kuona muvana vangu -- mwanakomana wangu akaberekwa makore matatu gare gare - nhaka yechokwadi yandichagadzira. Hapana basa kana unyanzvi hwandinogona kugadzira huchava nepesvedzero kana kuti revo sezvakaita vana vangu. Hubaba Regai ndimbozeya nyaya yehubaba zvishoma. Baba vangu chaivo, sezvazvingave zviri pachena pari zvino, vaiva munhu ane hasha uye asingafari uye aishungurudza mudzimai wake nevana. Tairarama hupenyu huviri, baba vachiparidza Jesu neruponeso muchechi, asi vachitipa marwadzo nekusafara mumba. Kunyange zvazvo ndakanga ndiine ushamwari hwepakarepo nomwanasikana wangu, apo mwanakomana wangu, Christopher, akaberekwa, zvakanga zvakaoma zvikuru kunzwa chidakadaka ichocho. Handiyeuki baba vangu vachindiratidza rudo rwechokwadi. Ndakashanda kuburikidza nekupikisa ikoko, asi maitiro ababa vangu ekutsamwa-pfupi anoramba akahwanda mundangariro dzangu. Kudzokera kuReba Place, ndiko kwandakatanga kudenhwa kuti nditarise kurwadziwa nokutambura kwouduku hwangu. Mushure mekumwe kuputika kwangu kwehasha kwaive kwakananga kumusikana wangu anodiwa, ndakanga ndisina sarudzo kunze kwekupinda mukurapa. Ndakanzi ndine kuora mwoyo uye ndakatanga kushanda kwemakore masere kuti ndipore mupfungwa. Paive nebudiriro mbiri mukurapa. Chekutanga pane zvese, ndakasanganazve ne "mwana wangu wemukati" muchikamu chekurapa chakanyanya. Ndinoziva kuti pfungwa iyi inosekwa zvakanyanya, uye chikamu hachina kutanga nechinangwa ichocho. Takanga tichiongorora zvakare chiitiko chakakosha chehudiki hwekushungurudzwa. Sezvatakashanda nomundangariro, zvakava pachena kuti rutivi rwangu pachangu rwakanga rwakuvadzwa zvikuru uye ndisingakwanisi kugonana nechiitiko ichocho. Pandakambundira mwana uya akanga abatwa chibharo ndipo pandakatanga kupora kubva pakurwadziwa kwese ikoko. Kubudirira kwechipiri kwaive kwakajairika. Ndakanga ndaiswa pamishonga inoderedza kuora mwoyo kubva kare muna 1987, asi ose akanga ane migumisiro yakanaka. Pasina nguva refu pashure pacho, Prozac yakasunungurwa, asi handina kuitora kutozosvikira nguva refu gare gare. Pandakazodaro, zvakashanda mashiripiti ayo akakurumbira pandiri. Mukati memwedzi mishomanene mirangariro yangu yose yokuora mwoyo yakaserera uye ndakaziva kuti ndakanga ndapora zvakakwana. Iyi haisiriyo yakajairika, hongu, asi ndave ndisina zviratidzo kweanopfuura makore manomwe. Handizivi kuti chii chakaita "inner child" kubudirira kwaive mukubudirira kwemushonga. Zvandinofunga ndezvekuti vakasimbisana. Kumbundirana neQuakerism Hupenyu hwangu paReba Place hwakapera makore mashoma gare gare. Utano hwangu hutsva hwemirangariro hwakandipa rusununguko rutsva munhau dzorudzidziso, uye nokuda kwezvinhu zvayo zvose zvakanaka, Reba Place yakanga ichakabatirira pamagamuchidzanwa nemifungo izvo zvakavamba kunzwa zvinomanikidzira. Rwendo rwangu rwekuenda kuutopia rwakanga rwave kuda kutora nguva yarwo. Reba Nzvimbo yaive chikamu cheMennonite Church, chechi yerunyararo yakavakirwa muBhaibheri. Ndakakweverwa ipapo zvakanyanya nerunyararo sekunge nemararamiro emunharaunda. Ndakatanga kupinda nomubvunzo wakakomba weBhaibheri nedzidziso dzechiKristu, kubatanidza kusava nechokwadi pamusoro poumwari hwaJesu nokumuka kwake, chimiro chaMwari, uye chiremera cheBhaibheri. Ndakanga ndichiri munhu wepacifist uye wechitendero, asi ndaifanira kutsvaga nzanga itsva yaigona kugamuchira mumwe munhu akapiwa pfungwa dzenhema pamusoro pechitendero. Ndakawana nzanga iyoyo mune rimwe boka rechitendero, Religious Society of Friends, rinowanzonzi "Quakers." Kunyange zvazvo vakatanga nebhaibheri rakafanana nerevaMennonites, zvemazuva ano uye pfungwa dzisiri dzechokwadi dzakava dzinogamuchirwa zvikuru pakati pemaQuaker anenge makore zana apfuura. MaQuaker mazhinji akange abatanidzwa mukurwira kubviswa kweuranda, asi chiitiko ichi chakakanganisa tsika yechinyakare yeQuakerism sesekete rinonzvenga nyika. Vakasuduruka kubva pachiratidzo chekukwana kwenharaunda kuenda kune imwe yesocial service uye activism. Iyi pfungwa itsva yakaita kuti maQuaker abatane nepfungwa dzisiri dzechokwadi nezveBhaibheri nechiKristu. MaQuaker akange atove nekukamukana pamusoro pedzidziso, asi bato raitambira kuratidzira kwemazuva ano nedzidziso yebhaibheri rave nhasi rimwe remasangano ezvitendero akasiyana zvakanyanya muUSA. Ndakawana musangano weQuaker waiva pedyo zvikuru pamba pangu uye ndakatanga kupinda makore anopfuura mana nehafu apfuura. Pakati pemaQuaker ndakawana nzanga yandinodavira kuti ichava musha wangu womudzimu kwoupenyu hwangu hwose. Ivo vari kure nekukwana, asi chikamu chekuporesa kwangu kwave kubvuma kusakwana mukati mangu uye mune vamwe. Ndichiri Kushuvira Utopia A. J. Muste, muvambi wepacifist weFellowship of Reconciliation, akambotaura kuti kuratidzira kwake kunopesana nehondo kwaisangove kwekuchinja nyika chete, kwakaitirwawo kuchengetedza nyika kuti isamushandure. Izvo zvinoenderana nemabatiro andinoita mweya wangu weutopian. Kunyange zvazvo ndakashandurwa kakawanda nenzira dzakawanda, shanduko idzodzo dzave dzakanangana nekuchenesa mafungiro eutopian. Ma1960 achiri kundisimukira senguva yenhoroondo apo vanhu vazhinji vakawana chiono chenyika iri nani. Vakatadza kuzviona zvizere, asi ndinotenda kuti nyika iri nani nekuti chiono ichi chabuda muhupenyu hwayakaita. Kana zviri zvekuti manyawi angu achandisvitsa mberi, ndicho chinhu chakavanzika kwandiri, sezvanga chiri nguva yese iyi. Ndinoziva kuti chimwe chezvipo zvangu chaicho chiri kunyora uye pane zvakawanda zvinganyorwa pamusoro pemashoko ezviono zve utopian.