©onglomerated
Sausis 8 2013
Džonatanas Gillisas
I wake up. Shut off the žadintuvas. I go and use the bathroom. Wipe with tualetas popierius. Flush. Scent the room with oro gaiviklis. Wash my hands with a bar of muilas. While in front of the mirror, I vaškuotas siūlas dantims valyti. I put two new AA baterijos in the electronic dantų šepetėlis I use. Smear dantų pasta on the brush and clean my teeth. I consummate the ritual by rinsing and gargling with burnos. Then, I lather my face with skutimosi kremas. Shave with a skustuvas. Shower. With muilas. Ir šampūnas. Now back in front of the mirror. Slap my face with po skutimosi. I shred some popierinė nosinaitė and plaster the small pieces over the slits of blood on my face. Roll on some dezodorantas. I spray on some vyriškas kvapas, to cover my natural scent, and my bodily cleansing ceremony is complete. I step put into the kitchen. Pour myself a cup of coffee which was brewed automatically from the kavos virimo aparatas. I put some Šunų maistas out for the dog. I’m not feeling so good, so I decide to take two cold & allergy tablets. I clear the dirty dishes out of the sink, rinsing them with Indų ploviklis before putting them in the dishwasher. I put indų ploviklių ploviklis in the dishwasher and set it to the on cycle. I wipe the counter by the sink with popieriniai rankšluosčiai. I throw a load in and pour some Skalbimo miltelių in the washer machine. I prep the dryer by throwing a džiovyklos lapas in. I suddenly remember a televizijos reklama I saw the other day for…I dunno, I forget. It was probably for something I just mentioned. Brands of all those products are owned by the same corporation. Proctor & Gamble. Capitalism. Not exactly a free, competitive market as the word’s definition suggests. Imperial capitalism is definitely motivated by an insatiable profit. There’s something inherently wrong and irreversibly damaging about a culture where potentially the same conglomerate corporation owns and manufactures the food you feed your dog, the tablets you take for a cold, your electronic toothbrush and the batteries that operate it. But hey, what do we care? If it doesn’t amuse us, we’re not interested.
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